The Dim-Post

May 11, 2008

Greens Support Legislation to Outlaw Green Party

Filed under: Politics,satire,Uncategorized — danylmc @ 7:46 am
Tags: ,

The Labour Governments proposed bill to dissolve the Green Party took a step closer to being passed into law today after Green leaders Jeanette Fitzsimons and Russell Norman confirmed that they would vote in favour of the legislation.

The Environmental Electoral Vengeance Bill is currently before the Justice and Electoral select committee. If the law is bought into effect then membership of the Green Party will become a criminal offense punishable by ten years in prison and fines of up to three hundred thousand dollars.

‘This bill clears up many of the problems caused by potential Labour supporters casting their votes for inappropriate parties,’ Justice Minister Annette King announced during a pre-committee press conference.

‘It is undemocratic and unfair for votes rightfully belonging to Labour to be squandered on a bunch of hippies. This new law will streamline the electoral process and reduce voter confusion on election day. It will also give the police and other agencies the tools required to deal fairly with Green MPs who will be affected by the new legislation.’

The bill is thought to contain funding for attack dogs and extra-painful tasers.

The Green Party has previously opposed the bill pointing out that the new law would see them all bankrupted and hunted down like animals. However last minute negotiations between the Green co-leaders and King prompted a sudden change of heart.

‘The Green Party of Aotearoa has secured significant policy concessions from Labour in return for our support of this bill,’ Fitzsimons said in a press release. ‘The Government has promised to allocate funds in this years budget for several major Green Party initiatives. Therefore we are glad to vote in favour of this legislation and live out the rest of our lives in prison, or as desperate fugitives.’

It’s understood that the new initiatives agreed to by the government include funding for portraits of former Chilean President Salvadore Allende and the assassinated Congo revolutionary Patrice Lumumba to be hung in the classrooms of all state funded primary schools and a direct mail-out of a te reo Maori translation of Kahlil Gibran’s book ‘The Prophet’ to every household in New Zealand .

‘The Green Party feels it is more important to achieve these crucial policy goals than it is to stay in Parliament promoting environmental issues,’ Fitzsimons said.

Green Party cooperation was critical to passing the controversial law. The National Party withdrew its support when Justice Minister King introduced an amendment incorporating National into the bill.

While the National Party will not be outlawed, votes cast in favor of the opposition party will be transfered to Labour and counted in their favor. Under current polling this will see Labour voted back into power with approximately 110 seats and able to govern alone.
National leader John Key has condemned the bill and criticized King’s handling of the legislation, although he has confirmed that if he somehow becomes Prime Minister he will not seek to change the bill in his first term.

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1 Comment »

  1. Delicious, absolutely delicious.
    I can’t wait for it’s first showing at the fringe.
    Well Done.

    Comment by mikeNZ — May 12, 2008 @ 12:31 pm


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