New Poll Shock: 3 in 4 Kiwi’s Support Sex Slaves for Pollsters

State funded concubines for polling company directors could be the crucial issue that decides this years election according to a new poll commissioned by the Dim-Post.

The poll shows that just under 75% of those questioned rated the issue of government funded sex-slaves for persons conducting opinion polls as more important than taxation, health-care or environmental issues.

National leader John Key recently reversed Nationals longstanding policy in this area when he announced details of his Nubile Kiwi Enslavement Legislation in a luncheon speech to a consortium of land-mine manufacturers.

Key denied that his sudden reversal was poll driven. ‘The National Party acts on principles, not opinion polls,’ he said. ‘Labour are the ones that change their minds every time the polls change. I’m announcing this legislation because when I’m out there talking to hard working Kiwis they tell me that they want their sons and daughters kidnapped and sold into sexual slavery, and they want a bunch of degenerate market researchers with statistics degrees to be the ones enslaving them. I mean, that’s just common sense.’

Details of National’s proposed policy are still vague but information from party insiders suggest that once made law the legislation will allow polling company owners and any other marketing company director who conducts political research to roam the streets naked and shoot citizens with tasers before transporting them back to their business or residence for a lifetime of sexual bondage. At this point it is uncertain whether or not there will be limits on the amount of sex slaves available to senior pollsters or whether they will be restricted to hunting for mates in certain areas.

Finance Minister Michael Cullen has long resisted supplying electoral researchers with their own private harems citing human rights issues and the potential inflationary effect on the economy but voters now look set to punish his party for his reluctance to address their concerns.