The Dim-Post

October 27, 2008

Dim-Post Party profile of the ACT Party

Filed under: Politics,satire — danylmc @ 3:18 pm
Tags: ,

ACT New Zealand

Founded in: 1994, although the ACT principles of free markets and classical liberalism date back to the creation of the universe 15,000,000,000 years earlier.

Number of MP’s: See, it’s about what your MP’s do, not how many there are.

Leader: Rodney Hide

Slogan: Capitalism – what could go wrong?

Policy Achievements: Government policy isn’t the solution to the problem, its the cause of the problem; also Heather joined the army and Rodney was on Dancing With the Stars.

Position on Political Spectrum: John Key is a Communist

Stands For: Making schools, hospitals and prisons as safe, efficient and effective as private industries like banking and insurance.

Major Financial Backers: Charity is for the weak! However, a generous donation to the ACT party now will be rewarded with your very own government department, national park or electricity grid after the election.

Party Leader: Rodney Hide

Early Life: According to his official biography Hide was born in Asgard during the late Pliocene era; he seduced Freya goddess of war, outwitted Loki Lie-Smith in a battle of wits, slew Jormungund the World Serpent with a spear of sharpened mistletoe and created the mid-Atlantic basin when Odin threw him to the ground in a wrestling match. Hide’s Wikipedia biography claims the ACT leader was born in Oxford, Canterbury in 1956 and studied Zoology and Botany at Canterbury University. The real truth probably lies somewhere in between.

Electorate: Represents the simple, decent, hard-working folk of Epsom who have honored Hide by dedicating a solid platinum statue to their MP; ninety feet tall it shows him crushing a member of the middle class between his powerful thighs (to reduce materials costs Steve Pio (33), a computer consultant from Pakuranga has been welded into the statue, although his eyes have been replaced with Burmese rubies. If freed Mr Pio says he will not be voting for Hide in the upcoming election).

Strengths: Powerful convictions in the power of individuals operating in an unregulated free market to create wealth, defeat poverty, raise living standards and free people from the soul crushing dead hand of the state.

Weaknesses: Entire belief system is a pile of horseshit which may dent credibility with some voters.

Campaign Strategy: Rely on the feelings of universal love and respect New Zealanders feel towards ACT founder Sir Roger Douglas.

Currently Polling: Around 1% nationally.

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17 Comments »

  1. “Weaknesses: Entire belief system is a pile of horseshit which may dent credibility with some voters.”

    Really? Was this part true or sarcasm on your part?

    If you think that markets don’t work go to your local supermarket and look at the choice available to you.

    Then tell me how great the State-run health system is when my mother who has needed surgery for approximately nine months has had her surgery postponed three times and has been in pain for the last two months.

    People like yourself who believe that the government knows how to run things efficiently are misguided and ignorant.

    Markets are not perfect, but unlike the government they deliver. We rely on the market for food here in New Zealand, and I have never seen people having to queue around the block for food. But we queue for health care. Why?

    Comment by chris — October 28, 2008 @ 9:05 am

  2. Ah, the supermarket Capitalism’s temple.

    My criticism isn’t faith-based, like Chris’s, it’s strictly empirical. Science has the universe as being either 6000 or 15 billion years old, it’s exact age is in dispute. You know that Dim, although you are right it saying it was created.

    Comment by Guy Smiley — October 28, 2008 @ 9:23 am

  3. I have never seen people having to queue around the block for food. But we queue for health care. Why?

    Could it be because performing a hip operation is slightly harder than growing a potato?

    Comment by danylmc — October 28, 2008 @ 9:34 am

  4. Thinking about that danylmc, I think growing a potato is far more difficult than performing a hip operation. A potato is far more complicated than an artificial hip. The difference is that potato plants are exceptionally good at growing potatoes, while performing hip operations is a skill that does not come naturally and can only be learnt by careful study…

    Of course that is completely irrelevant!

    Comment by Mr Dennis — October 28, 2008 @ 10:48 am

  5. “Could it be because performing a hip operation is slightly harder than growing a potato?”

    Was there something about growing potatos in the Soviet Union that made it difficult? No? Then why were they always queuing for food?

    Comment by chris — October 28, 2008 @ 1:40 pm

  6. Was there something about growing potatos in the Soviet Union that made it difficult?

    Yeah, the country was a vast death camp in which the insane and paranoid leaders murdered, kidnapped or enslaved vast sections of the population at a whim; that’s bound to have some effect on sowing and plowing your field.

    Comment by danylmc — October 28, 2008 @ 2:07 pm

  7. Could it be because performing a hip operation is slightly harder than growing a potato?

    have you asked Sue Kedgley about that?

    Was there something about growing potatos in the Soviet Union that made it difficult?

    Lysenko

    Comment by Neil — October 28, 2008 @ 4:20 pm

  8. “Yeah, the country was a vast death camp in which the insane and paranoid leaders murdered, kidnapped or enslaved vast sections of the population at a whim; that’s bound to have some effect on sowing and plowing your field.”

    …and they relied on the government for their food. When you rely on the government to supply food and the government are psychos, you tend to end up eating your socks.

    Comment by chris — October 28, 2008 @ 5:48 pm

  9. I can’t tell if chris is serious or not.

    Comment by mjl — October 28, 2008 @ 7:35 pm

  10. When you rely on the government to supply food and the government are psychos, you tend to end up eating your socks.

    Right, so maybe the problem is not with governments, but with governments that are psychotic.

    India under the Raj had splendid free markets – they also had yearly famines and an average life expectancy in the mid 30’s; under the democratic socialism of Nehru they ended famine and doubled life expectancy in only twenty years.

    I’m a huge believer in free markets – I think they are the best mechanism we have for the efficient allocation of resources. But they are not rational and they cannot magically solve social or political problems. They are a tool, not a solution.

    Comment by danylmc — October 29, 2008 @ 7:47 am

  11. Wonderful post and excellent comment #10 Danyl. I’d add that free markets are creative. That’s why Kruschev thought he’d bury the west, and why he never did. Central planning is great when it’s glaringly obvious what you need to do (like build the first dam, first hospital, first road in a province). When it isn’t obvious, markets are the best way of finding new productive investments.

    That’s why, although Russian science is great, Microsoft, Intel, YouTube, Google and the like have all come out of the West. Opportunity, incentive, reward and risk.

    Comment by malcolm — October 29, 2008 @ 10:14 am

  12. “Right, so maybe the problem is not with governments, but with governments that are psychotic.”

    You may not be aware but people are dying in this country while on waiting lists for medical treatment. So, either the Labour government is “psychotic”, or governments are inefficient and unreliable.

    Comment by chris — October 29, 2008 @ 1:30 pm

  13. chris, the health system was for us when a family member of mine needed a kidney transplant. He was on the waiting list for a small matter of weeks and they flew in a specialist from Canada due to the rarity of the specific disease.

    Feel free to blast me for providing anecdotal evidence, but it’s just as sound as your “people are dying because they’re waiting for medical treatment” bit.

    I understand it’s unacceptable to you that your mother is waiting, everyone feels the same about their family members. But, as always, caring for the health of 4 million people is a numbers game and you can’t tell me with a straight face that a CEO of a private medical practice would give up his bonus to give another person a hip transplant.

    Comment by Chris S — October 29, 2008 @ 4:06 pm

  14. watch sicko and tell me a privatised health system is a good idea. getting sick in the USA would be an utter nightmare, even if you have medical insurance you often have to fight to have your claim recognised because they’ve found some loophole that invalidates your claim.

    the trouble with free markets in health is that people from all economic strata need health care, but the market is not incentivised to look after the poor end.

    Comment by nommopilot — October 29, 2008 @ 6:24 pm

  15. yeah, the US health system is a free market…

    pull the other one!

    Comment by peteremcc — October 31, 2008 @ 9:41 pm

  16. [...] of quality blogs and seeing as today is New Zealand’s general election, go have a look at The Dim Post. Easily the best political blog in New Zealand right [...]

    Pingback by I’m back : Tono (and his Finance Company) — November 8, 2008 @ 4:39 pm

  17. Knew I’d seen the Asgard reference somewhere – bugger, I just stole it in relation to Sir Roger.

    Comment by llew — November 12, 2008 @ 12:10 pm


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