Maori Party Split over National Coalition Deal

Sources within the Maori Party indicate that co-leaders Tariana Turia and Dr Pita Sharples have fallen out over policy concessions proposed by National leader and elected Prime Minister John Key.

Senior National Party sources have confirmed that the infighting is due to Mr Key’s ‘Dangerous Game’ amendment to the Crimes act, which would allow Key to hunt up to 30 Maori per month through the tropical jungles of his Hawaiian holiday home and another twenty per month in the underground labyrinth beneath his handsome Parnell mansion.

The Maori Party have been offered entrenchment of the Maori seats and a review of the Foreshore and Seabed Act in exchange for fifty of their young every month for three years.

‘Maori are the most dangerous game,’ Key told reporters during an impromptu press conference on the parliamentary lawn. Print and broadcast media looked on while the newly elected banker turned politician practiced his renowned archery skills, and then ran for cover when the gleeful, laughing prime-minister elect turned his sights on them, severing arteries and amputating limbs with his deadly accuracy and explosive arrows .

It is understood that Sharples is deeply opposed to the proposed scheme while Tariana Turia is a strong advocate for Key’s right to hunt, kill and mount unemployed Maori youths, describing it as enhancing his rangatiratanga and sending a strong message to young Maori that if they study and work hard they will not be cut down in their prime by Key’s poison-tipped crossbow bolts or torn apart by his pack of savage dogs.

A resolution to the impasse was reached late last night, when the Maori party co-leaders met for a cup of tea to confront the problem. After a short, congenial discussion Dr Sharples drained his mug of Earl Grey and then slumped to the floor unconscious.

He awoke several hours later in the creaking brig of John Key’s nuclear submarine, en-route to his tropical island fortress where he will join twenty-nine other captors as they are stalked through the canopy. Sharples daughter, a spunky twelve year old computer hacker and his estranged ex-wife, a former special forces assassin turned professional stripper are also thought to be amoungst the hunted.