Finance Minister Bill English is considering his options in regards to the advice contained in the Treasury department’s briefing for incoming Ministers. The post-election advisory urges the new National government to cut taxes, superannuation, public services, labour regulations and environmental standards, as well as recommending Mr English drink from a large bone goblet containing a discoloured, sweet smelling milky-white liquid.
‘Drink,’ intoned Treasury secretary John Whitehead during the inaugural meeting with English and his senior staff. Mr Whitehead presented his briefing while flanked by a dozen white-robed treasury department analysts who joined in the chant, their frenzied voices chittering like a hive of wrathful insects. ‘Drink, drink, drink.’
Initially English declined to drink from the cup thrust into his hands, explaining that he had recently enjoyed an Earl Grey tea. Upon hearing this, Whitehead and several senior departmental directors rolled their eyes back in their lidless sockets and made a low-pitched ululating sound, rebuking English in their hideous, pre-human tongue.
The ululation is believed to have caused the death of all plant life within the Wellington suburb of Thorndon.
Acting quickly to defuse the awkwardness of the moment Mr English explained that he had drunk too much liquid that day and felt a bit bloated. English promised to consume the contents of the goblet later that evening.
The Treasury delegation then prostrated themselves before the Finance Minister and remained in a prone position, slowly melting into the floor before dissolving in a thick, rust-colored mist.
A spectroscopic analysis of the mist indicates that the Treasury analysts were comprised mostly of the high weight synthetic atomic particles known as trans-actinides. The standard model of particle physics holds that such elements are unable to exist outside of laboratory conditions.
The goblet of bluish, gently pulsating fluid now rests on Mr English’s desk where he could swear he heard it whispering to him.
Dammit – I swear you are the best thing on the interwebs at the moment. Thank you for consistently making me laugh.
Comment by pbmcbeth — December 4, 2008 @ 10:10 pm |
That is some good stuff. Quite timely since I just finished reading David Lange’s book, which contained the odd mention of a Treasury that by the sounds would’ve spawned a clone of Roger Douglas if anything had happened to him.
Comment by StephenR — December 4, 2008 @ 10:15 pm |
Bloody Freemasons.
Comment by llew — December 5, 2008 @ 8:12 am |
Of course the advise offered is probably the most sensible approach. However treasury don’t have to consider the effect it would have on ordinary people. Better to do the politically expedient thing and keep deferring the hard decisions for our children to make.
Comment by barnsleybill — December 5, 2008 @ 9:35 am |
The advice given goes a long way to confirming my theory that politicians and public servants should be paid the minimum wage.
That way the policies offered by those such as Treasury hurt those dreaming them up!
Comment by Chris R — December 5, 2008 @ 10:57 am |