The Dim-Post

December 22, 2008

Mental Health Break Christmas Edition

Filed under: general idiocy,nz blogs — danylmc @ 7:57 am

By now you’ve figured out that the youtube clips I post are actually very bad for your mental health:

Cactus Kate gives post-election career advice to the press gallery. Whaleoil weighs in. It’s like watching blind people give fashion tips.

McSweeney’s presents the Gutenberg Christmas Catalog 1608:

Dulcimer for Morons
BY ANONYMOUS

Master the old trapezoid with lessons so simple even John of Hanover could follow them. Also available: Be a Guitar Angel.

Eatf, Shootf, and Leavef
BY ANONYMOUS

Expreff yourfelf clearly in newly ftandardised Englifh. Now available in convenient whaleboneback!

The 104-Hour Workweek
BY ANONYMOUS

What if we told you that you could go carping in the Thames, win a jig contest in Switzerland, and toss dwarves in Vienna, all while your turnips grow rapidly at home? Before you brand us for false prophecy, read this book. It will teach you how to, among other things:

* Outsource your life, using the magic of peasants

* Make hereditary power work for you

* Retire at 15

Wendy Cope has a heartwarming Christmas poem for the unattached:

At Christmas little children sing and merry bells jingle,
The cold winter air makes our hands and faces tingle
And happy families go to church and cheerily they mingle
And the whole business is unbelievably dreadful, if you’re single.

santa-claus-lg

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16 Comments »

  1. The funny part is that Cathy is a junior tax lawyer who probably makes less than a plumber. [Redacted - your comments about Mr Slater are off topic and probably defamatory - dim] Why they think they are in a position to give career advice to anyone is beyond me.

    Comment by Felix — December 22, 2008 @ 11:50 am

  2. Yet another song you post ironically that is on high rotation on my ipod. I wonder what that says about my mental health.

    To be fair though Bowie and Talking Heads are both up there too.

    Also.. can I request Spandau Ballet – Gold? Cheers.

    Comment by gazzaj — December 22, 2008 @ 12:09 pm

  3. Felix, that’s about the silliest thing I have heard on a blog. a) I’ve been in the workforce for 10 years so unless I am being compared to a 110 years old, no one considers that to be Junior and b) I am not even a tax lawyer, I work in the offshore trust industry which is considerably more lucrative, not lest of all because I don’t work in a minimum wage hovel such as NZ subsidising fucktards like yourself.

    Comment by Cathy — December 22, 2008 @ 2:06 pm

  4. Actually Felix I make nothing, why would I make anything that just attracts tax.

    I also don’t anything. Don’t own anything, don’t earn anything but control everything. If you can’t work out the difference then you won’t be needing Cathy’s sage structure advice, you will just keep paying and paying and paying.

    As for the beaker and test-tube cleaner acting all uppity, oh puuuuuulease you work for university…..in New Zealand….bwahahahahaha

    Comment by Whaleoil — December 22, 2008 @ 2:22 pm

  5. Actually Felix the pussy what exactly do you do?

    Comment by Whaleoil — December 22, 2008 @ 2:27 pm

  6. “Actually Felix I make nothing, why would I make anything that just attracts tax.”

    Which is why I think they should get rid of income tax, gst etc and sumply have a flat financial transaction tax. Any time money passes bewteen peolpe it should attract a tax.. No exceptions… No looking at profit.. I think 15% would cover it..

    Comment by Socrates — December 22, 2008 @ 3:54 pm

  7. Not a bad idea Socrates, I’d go along with that.

    Comment by Whaleoil — December 22, 2008 @ 4:27 pm

  8. Jesus FUCKING Mother of Christ Satan and Hitler.

    Whaleoil goes for social credit.

    A better idea. Income tax at 30% on the first 100,000 you earn;
    at zero on the next 100,000.
    and a rebate of 1c in the dollar for every dollar you earn over that up to 500,000.
    Then zero again.

    FUCK THE POOR. FUCK SOCIAL CREDIT

    Comment by Anonymouse — December 22, 2008 @ 8:44 pm

  9. Personally, I’m always terribly impressed when somebody tells me how important they are. Thank you whalecactus … I mean kateoil. Can you help me further? What colour should I paint my walls? Are Che Guevara t-shirts past it ?

    Waiting … (breathlessly) … for your wisdom.

    Comment by malcolm — December 23, 2008 @ 2:12 am

  10. “oh puuuuuulease you work for university…..in New Zealand….bwahahahahaha”

    Dude, for a lot of people that’s their idea of the perfect lifestyle. Just sayin.

    Comment by Grant — December 23, 2008 @ 7:21 am

  11. *blinks in astonishment*

    Well I never… after months of linking from Kiwiblog by DPF, the great migration seems to have begun.

    Sigh.

    Comment by Sam Finnemore — December 23, 2008 @ 8:05 am

  12. Dude, for a lot of people that’s their idea of the perfect lifestyle. Just sayin

    Yeah, for a lot of people working as an adviser to the Prime Minister is also a perfect job. If you have a shot at your dream job the amount of money it pays is largely immaterial. (That last sentence is the point in the conversation where Kate and Slater start rocking back and forth, moaning and slapping themselves in the face.)

    Comment by danylmc — December 23, 2008 @ 8:09 am

  13. So why are you so attached to your 8% kiwisaver if its not (just) about the money…

    Comment by Clunking Fist — December 23, 2008 @ 1:06 pm

  14. So why are you so attached to your 8% kiwisaver if its not (just) about the money…

    My problem with National’s tax break is that its not a tax break if its coming out of my Kiwisaver account – its an accounting scam.

    Kate . . . probably makes less than a plumber

    BTW, this was a really bad way to make your point- the construction boom over the last decade has made tradespeople like plumbers rich beyond the dreams of avarice.

    Comment by danylmc — December 23, 2008 @ 5:32 pm

  15. True words, some authentic words dude. Thx for making my day.

    Comment by Grietryruicle — January 1, 2010 @ 5:51 am


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