The Dim-Post

March 23, 2010

Mining the Conservation Estate

Filed under: Politics,satire — danylmc @ 8:59 am

The government has released plans to remove 7000 hectares from our national parks in order to mine for minerals. What are some of the details of the scheme?

  • Amendment to Crown Minerals Act prohibits Energy Minister Gerry Brownlee from yelling ‘I’d like to open up her schedule four’ whenever an attractive aide enters the Cabinet room.
  • Streamlined process for mining consents to make it easier for everyday New Zealanders to operate their own open pit cast mines or surgically excavate their back yards.
  • State Services Commission enquiry to find out who keeps adding ‘unobtanium’ to the list of rare minerals detected in Mt Aspiring.
  • Cabinet to investigate curious strength of public support for disused DOC parks, when it’s obvious that most New Zealander’s spend their vacations on private islands or golfing resorts.
  • $4 million dollars for extensive exploration of Coromandal focusing on area where Gerry Brownlee lost his beloved teddy-bear ‘Mister Wookie’ while on a day walk as a child.
  • The public can submit consultation documents responding to the proposal which will then be used to fill pits post exploration.
  • Highly accurate, scientifically modeled estimates of mineral value predict mining could add $185 billion to New Zealand economy. This $20 billion could increase as more minerals are discovered and could go as high as $3 billion in future decades.
  • There is resistance to the scheme from inside the National Party, including Auckland Central MP Nikki Kaye who is opposed to mining on Great Barrier Island, and Prime Minister John Key who initially thought that they were promoting miming in National Parks.

13 Comments »

  1. For the record, I have no problem with National sending in bulldozers to work on mimes. And if John Banks wants to protest by lying down in front of the bulldozers, so much the better.

    Comment by Ataahua — March 23, 2010 @ 9:11 am

  2. Dammit Ataahua, I’ll have some respect for Marcel Marceau or I’ll come over there and, and, and, write a strongly worded letter of complaint

    Comment by Paul — March 23, 2010 @ 9:36 am

  3. Anything but that! *waves blue-and-white-striped flag of surrender*

    Comment by Ataahua — March 23, 2010 @ 10:10 am

  4. http://theoatmeal.com/comics/apostrophe

    Print. Use. Thank you.

    Comment by Helen — March 23, 2010 @ 10:19 am

  5. Damn it Ataahua are you Lord Vetinari?

    Comment by Doug — March 23, 2010 @ 11:05 am

  6. lost his beloved teddy-bear ‘Mister Wookie’ while on a day walk as a child.

    As a child, I too lost a loved teddie bear on a walk. The pain never really goes away.

    You and me, Gerry. We’ll get through this together, buddy. OK?

    Comment by Phil — March 23, 2010 @ 11:05 am

  7. Solidarity re: Mr Wookie. A loss like that diminishes us all.

    Comment by Rob Hosking — March 23, 2010 @ 11:30 am

  8. What a piece of junk. It is obvious DM has not researched this piece: everyone knows Brownlee was never a child. Or human.

    Comment by Clunking Fist — March 23, 2010 @ 1:45 pm

  9. I’m not sure how the argument going round that the mining won’t be good for the econmony is going to work.

    It’s equivalent to arguing that the Australians are more intelligent, inventive and industrious.

    Comment by Neil — March 23, 2010 @ 6:00 pm

  10. @ Neil

    If I read you correctly;

    we could acknowledge that the Australians are more intelligent, inventive and industrious; or

    We could argue that the difference is in mineral extraction and start mining.

    Comment by cj_nza — March 23, 2010 @ 6:14 pm

  11. basically, not necessarily an argument for mining just there is some talk about it not being of any great benefit. If we choose not to mine for various reasons we may as well know the true opportunity costs.

    but if cricket is anything to go by

    Comment by Neil — March 23, 2010 @ 6:32 pm

  12. Damn it Ataahua are you Lord Vetinari?

    No, I just dress like him for All Black matches.

    Comment by Ataahua — March 24, 2010 @ 9:02 am

  13. [...] The Dim-Post is in fine form with its version of the Government’s mining policy: [...]

    Pingback by Two bits of amusement | Kiwiblog — March 24, 2010 @ 10:04 am


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