Foreign Minister Murray McCully has been severely reprimanded by Chinese Ambassador Zhang Limin for exercising poor judgement when using his Ministerial credit card, the Chinese Embassy announced today.
Previously Prime Minister John Key has defended McCully’s $2000 laundry bill and high alcohol expenditure but the Chinese Ambassador has overruled Key’s position, calling McCully’s spending ‘unseemly and non-magnificent’, and issuing a formal reprimand of the Foreign Minister.
‘We feel the Minister’s level of decadence is inappropriate and counter-revolutionary,’ the Ambassador announced. ‘This behaviour is not acceptable from Party functionaries and will not be tolerated.’
McCully has accepted the censure and thanked the Ambassador for his criticism. ‘Only through the wisdom of his Excellency can I reform my thoughts and become a better servant,’ McCully told reporters, speaking from a pool of mud outside his home where he has kneeled prostrate since receiving the rebuke yesterday. ‘I am chastened but also joyful and eternally grateful.’
‘This does not mean the Minister has lost the support of the Party,’ Zhang insisted. ‘He has supported our security cadres in their campaign of public safety suppressing anti-Chinese elements such as cult leader Dr Russel Norman.’
Mr McCully harshly criticised Green co-leader Russel Norman’s recent protest against the Chinese occupation of Tibet in which the MP scuffled with members of the Chinese diplomatic delegation.
‘Remember that Dr Norman is not even a real New Zealander,’ Zhang said when questioned about the incident. ‘How can we trust him or know whose interests he truly represents?’
‘We thank McCully for his good and faithful assistance in enlightening Dr Norman’s speech,’ the Ambassador said in his statement. ‘With great perseverance and skillful self-discipline the Snail will once again enjoy the favor of the Dragon.’
To ensure widespread coverage of the censure Chinese Embassy officials decreed that publication of the statement was mandatory for all media outlets. The Dim-Post is joyful to be of service in this matter.
Ambassador Limin also demands that McCully re grow his Moustache within the week. John Key plans to protest through diplomatic channels, the NZ public are just not yet ready for the return of the moustache of MoCully.
Comment by andy (the other one) — June 20, 2010 @ 4:13 pm
This probably is not too far from the truth.
Comment by Chris — June 20, 2010 @ 4:53 pm
Right now McCully’s feeling a burn and not knowing why. Well done danyl.
Comment by Ataahua — June 20, 2010 @ 8:18 pm
I am forced to conclude that you have actually sat in on Maoist self-criticism sessions before, this is just too accurate. Were you ever on the VUWSA exec, Danyl?
Comment by derp de derp — June 20, 2010 @ 8:35 pm
Of course a truly chastened McCully would report himself to the police, secure in the knowledge that they would decide it’s too difficult to find any evidence of wrongdoing.
Comment by Neil — June 20, 2010 @ 8:44 pm
Unclear whether the Chinese thought McCully’s spend was too little or too large. . .
Comment by Owen — June 20, 2010 @ 11:27 pm
Funny, but far too close to reality…
Comment by Michael Stevens — June 21, 2010 @ 10:01 am
Given Key’s apology to the Chinese today this is even closer to reality than I thought when I read it earlier.
Scary.
But also very funny.
Comment by Roger Parkinson — June 21, 2010 @ 4:04 pm
McCully was speaking from London on Q+A, so can we see his expense sheet for that trip? I hope he can justify the spending on his ministerial credit card. Or that he doesn’t eat too much spaghetti. Whichever’s easier.
Comment by dontsurf — June 21, 2010 @ 4:31 pm