The Dim-Post

May 2, 2011

A terrible beauty is born

Filed under: general idiocy — danylmc @ 6:15 pm

The Herald finds a replacement for Deborah Hill Cone worthy of her awesome legacy. Meet Shelley Bridgeman.

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44 Comments »

  1. That’s some pretty fine trolling. Gotta be worth a few ad impressions.

    Comment by SHG — May 2, 2011 @ 6:20 pm

  2. Another “Polly Filler”. Is there some kind of factory of the inane that just keeps churning these drones out?

    Comment by The Fox — May 2, 2011 @ 6:25 pm

  3. Just read the article. My response: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Comment by K2 — May 2, 2011 @ 6:25 pm

  4. “I know opinion pieces are deliberately provocative, but compromising your child’s nutrition because of a fear of saggy boobs demonstrates a fascinating set of values.”
    Love it. I don’t have all year to read the all comments, so this one will have to do as my fav. What’s the bet she won’t read them.

    I wonder if it is all tongue in cheek?

    Comment by Clunking Fist — May 2, 2011 @ 6:30 pm

  5. oh god

    oh god

    oh god

    Paraphrased: “Breast feeding is for P addicts.” If anything, this is worse. Where do they find them? Is there an ad on TradeMe for “Opinionated lackwits wanted to addle brains through major daily paper”?

    Comment by Josh — May 2, 2011 @ 6:32 pm

  6. “Due to a number of inappropriate posts, the comment feature has been turned off this blog.”

    Comment by Thomas Beagle — May 2, 2011 @ 6:33 pm

  7. Thomas Beagle: Surely it should be
    “Due to a number of inappropriate posts, this columnist has been turned off.”

    Comment by morgue — May 2, 2011 @ 6:36 pm

  8. when I saw the headline “Not all families are equal” I had NO FUCKING IDEA that what she was about to say was:

    SOME OF US ARE MUCH BETTER

    why stop there? death to poor people (hey its their fault right?)

    I wonder if she gets her formula from china?

    Comment by terryg — May 2, 2011 @ 6:41 pm

  9. You can’t satarise this because it is so fucking ridiculous! Is her message really ‘don’t breastfeed because you will need a boob job’ and it is only for women of the third world? Surely not. Surely…please tell me no…she’s really just made up…isn’t she? Please God…….

    Comment by Tim — May 2, 2011 @ 6:46 pm

  10. At least the people who actually take her seriously will just produce the next generation of Darwin awards winners…?

    Comment by Zo Zhou — May 2, 2011 @ 7:04 pm

  11. What I’m truly delighted about is that its not breastfeeding that causes saggy boobs and stretchmarks, its pregnancy (and the effects of time and gravity of course). Pregnancy changes the boobs whether or not you breastfeed. Shelley Bridgeman and her private in-home Karitane serf should educate themselves a bit more.

    Comment by Bea — May 2, 2011 @ 7:21 pm

  12. Cant do the linky thing but check out “Sucker for a royal wedding” from April 28. Less casually offensive but significantly more inane. I threw up into my mouth a little bit.

    “I’m independent, opinionated and a staunch feminist. But a lover of royal weddings as well? Even I could see the dissonance there”.

    All I can say is poor Kevin. Poor, poor Kevin.

    Comment by Reggo — May 2, 2011 @ 7:32 pm

  13. Hope you and the Missus got some good useful tips Danyl.

    Comment by Dotty — May 2, 2011 @ 7:50 pm

  14. At least she is appropriately sectioned under ‘Life & Style’, while the crazy Hill Cone was terribly misplaced in the otherwise quite good Friday ‘Business’ pull out thingy.

    Comment by andy (the other one) — May 2, 2011 @ 8:08 pm

  15. Come on, Danyl! She’s a freelance writer! Top of the fucking pile! And straight away she’s got into talking about her tits and fanny. You should be thanking Tim Murphy for this stuff.

    I can’t wait to hear what she has to say about Osama bin Laden, and how she’ll segue into talking about her vadge.

    Comment by Dizzy — May 2, 2011 @ 8:14 pm

  16. From her first column (http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=10720323), it doesn’t surprise me she doesn’t have time to breast-feed. It sounds like her life is so much like the ordinary New Zealand Herald reader, it’s unbelievable:

    “For possibly the first time in my life I’m going through a stage where I’m one of these very busy people. I have so many projects on the go that I wrote a list to help me prioritise daily competing demands.

    It listed, in order: healthy eating, my daughter’s equestrian endeavours, renovating a Hawkes Bay cottage, my journalism career, hosting functions as a corporate wife – and playing interclub tennis.”

    Comment by dave — May 2, 2011 @ 8:39 pm

  17. She left “evacuate bowel” from the list. No wonder she is so full of shit.

    I’ll get me coat…

    Comment by Clunking Fist — May 2, 2011 @ 8:43 pm

  18. Thank you for linking to this “column”. Funniest thing I’ve read today. She and Michael Laws should get married.

    Comment by Maureen — May 2, 2011 @ 8:51 pm

  19. C’mpn everyone the lady was taking the piss outta you.
    You all fell for it.

    Dummies.

    Comment by peterlepaysan — May 2, 2011 @ 9:54 pm

  20. Holy shit. Perhaps this is an extraordinary new level of deeply veiled satirical Poe’s Law but I don’t see it. So, holy shit.

    Comment by garethw — May 2, 2011 @ 10:29 pm

  21. that thing about the interclub tennis must be satire…must be!

    Comment by LucyJH — May 2, 2011 @ 10:33 pm

  22. Umm…. check out the article in New Zealand House and Garden: An artistic eye.

    The tiling drama didn’t help. She had arranged to import twenty-seven black glass tiles from Italy but the first ones to arrive weren’t dark enough. When the correct ones finally came the tilers were so scared they’d break them, they baulked at the task. The painter stepped in to help.

    In 2002, while on assignment for a lifestyle magazine, Shelley experienced a design epiphany.

    She came away from a well-appointed home impressed by the vast amount of art on display and resolved to begin her own collection and commission more pieces of furniture.

    Comment by Deborah — May 2, 2011 @ 10:53 pm

  23. I know Shelley Bridgman. She isn’t clever enough for satire, what you read is what you get.

    Comment by Sanctuary — May 2, 2011 @ 11:32 pm

  24. due to people pointing out the inappropriateness of the column, the comments feature has been turned off

    Comment by Kahikatea — May 2, 2011 @ 11:45 pm

  25. You’re all being too cruel, or perhaps too kind: can’t you see that it’s simply that it’s all about her (and the lovely tiles and the round-the-clock nurse and – oh – a dear (in at least two senses of the word) hubby who provides the additional cash to fill the gap between the “freelance writer” income and the egocentric lifestyle cost?

    Comment by Clyde — May 3, 2011 @ 12:02 am

  26. “The showing season will be over soon and the cottage is nearing completion so my writing work will shortly rise to near the top of the list.”

    http://www.nzherald.co.nz/shelley-bridgeman/news/article.cfm?c_id=1503061&objectid=10720323

    Comment by BenLW — May 3, 2011 @ 12:27 am

  27. The American comedian Louis CK coined the term ‘white people problems’ which is when your life is so awesomely privileged you have to make up trivial shit to be upset about. Having to get plastic surgery after breast feeding is a pretty great example.

    Comment by danylmc — May 3, 2011 @ 5:57 am

  28. I like the paragraphs above that:

    For possibly the first time in my life I’m going through a stage where I’m one of these very busy people. I have so many projects on the go that I wrote a list to help me prioritise daily competing demands.

    It listed, in order: healthy eating, my daughter’s equestrian endeavours, renovating a Hawkes Bay cottage, my journalism career, hosting functions as a corporate wife – and playing interclub tennis.

    Comment by danylmc — May 3, 2011 @ 6:45 am

  29. Mmmmmm, she is HOT. That photo’s going in the bank.

    Comment by will — May 3, 2011 @ 8:04 am

  30. A fully paid up member of the Urban Elite eh. Judging by the way she knows best, I bet she votes Green.

    Comment by David — May 3, 2011 @ 8:24 am

  31. I have reliable anecdotal evidence that…

    Accidental or not, wit of this calibre is in short supply in our nation’s newspapers, and I for one am glad the Herald has found this rich vein of it to mine.

    Comment by Psycho Milt — May 3, 2011 @ 8:45 am

  32. There’s a frequently-updated, user-submitted list of “white people problems” here. I like “My iPad 2 isn’t as rounded on the back as my iPad 1 was so it’s harder to pick up off the table”. I saw one a little while back that said, “I ate way too much at lunch and now I’m sleepy”.

    Comment by derp de derp — May 3, 2011 @ 8:56 am

  33. The NZ equivalent of a braying Sloane, doing her bit to put the cause of feminism and female journalism back another few years. Where the hell do they find these spinners?

    Comment by Sookie — May 3, 2011 @ 9:18 am

  34. @ derp

    How could you go past “My wallet is uncomfortable to put into any of my pockets because it is so full of money.” ?

    Personally, I solved that problem long ago by only carrying ‘plastic’ in a stylish (yet still understated in a masculine way) silver card-case.

    Comment by Phil — May 3, 2011 @ 10:30 am

  35. I think at some point newspaper editors decided that the role of columnists is to ‘provoke discussion’, ie to annoy people a lot.

    Comment by helenalex — May 3, 2011 @ 10:34 am

  36. re. daytime TV. “It’s worth watching this programme just for the sense of superiority it bestows. The guests have such train-wreck lives that almost anyone else’s looks great in comparison. I’ve always regarded a viewing session as an instant boost to self-esteem and well-being – right up there with a cup of tea, brisk walk and hot bath.” – Astounding.

    Comment by Bill — May 3, 2011 @ 11:04 am

  37. A very successful columnist – well she made you all read her column.
    In some deep though unspecified way, this is probably bad for Phil Goff

    Comment by Leopold — May 3, 2011 @ 11:07 am

  38. If her role is to provoke discussion, does closing the comments mean she has failed?

    Comment by Moz — May 3, 2011 @ 11:24 am

  39. #whitewhine.

    Comment by Ben Clark — May 3, 2011 @ 12:17 pm

  40. I have reliable anecdotal evidence

    Truly beautiful.

    Comment by terence — May 3, 2011 @ 2:46 pm

  41. Comments section was closed which is a shame. I hit the email Shelley button:

    Hi Shelley,

    Loved your article on how breast feeding can cause breast implants. One quick question. You state in your article:

    ‘Our household was calm, orderly and had no less than three intelligent, doting adults to care for one small baby.’

    I assume one ‘intelligent’ adult was your husband, the other your in-home Karitane nurse, just wondering who the third was?

    Let me know.

    Thanks, can’t wait for your next article!

    Comment by Lance — May 3, 2011 @ 9:38 pm

  42. She may be preventing future breast ‘problems’. Too bad for the personality disorder she will leave her daughter with.

    Comment by dion howard — May 4, 2011 @ 8:05 pm

  43. The Herald once again leads the way in logical, scientific, rational, dispassionate discourse.

    Of course, nonsense like this has nothing what ever to do with stitching advertisements together.

    Everything The Herald does is is “in the public interest”.

    Self interest never occurs to the editor.

    Comment by peterlepaysan — May 4, 2011 @ 10:45 pm

  44. Oh how I wish she had a blog with all her unedited beliefs on display. It is pure comedy even if it is unintentional. She is my favourite love-to-hate person this week, taking over from where Charlie Sheen left off. (But seriously now, I’m pretty disgusted that a national newspaper printed this).

    Comment by RedBessRead — May 5, 2011 @ 9:34 pm


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