The Dim-Post

June 28, 2011

ACT Death Spiral Watch

Filed under: psuedopolitics — danylmc @ 1:58 pm

Via Scoop, this press release from ACT is a satirical rage against the politically-correct Stalinist thought police who try to brainwash us into believing that insulin resistance is influenced by diet:

Air Diet Best For Diabetes, Says ACT

ACT New Zealand is delighted to be counted among the opposition parties calling for healthy eating policies following the release of a report showing New Zealand has one of the highest rates of diabetes among developed countries, says the party’s Forbidden Foods Spokeswomanperson, Heather Roy.

“Yes, even I find it difficult to resist culinary temptation,” Ms Roy sighs, lasciviously eyeing a side-dish of bean sprouts. “But we must bite the bullet (and very little else). Another recent study showed that diabetes can be reversed on a diet of 600 calories a day. While such a regime may fall short of the ideal, no-calorie diet, a law banning the consumption of more than 600 calories should be the minimum objective of all parties’ healthy eating policies.

“Failure to pass such a law will only encourage stroppy individualists in their perverse and anti-social belief that what they eat is up to them,” Ms Roy concludes.

If the Ministry of Health ever puts out an advisory warning New Zealanders not to eat shards of broken glass, the entire ACT Party would be dead by lunchtime and we’d be able to spend the millions of taxpayer dollars we waste funding this clown show on a real political party.

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66 Comments »

  1. I thought this was more of your satire until I followed the link. What the hell? Are party press releases allowed to be parody?

    Comment by Adam — June 28, 2011 @ 2:05 pm

  2. I think that press release is what you call getting the second-to-last laugh

    Comment by Remuwera — June 28, 2011 @ 2:10 pm

  3. Act attempt at irony = fail.

    Comment by DT — June 28, 2011 @ 2:15 pm

  4. LOL – Not
    Purely out of pity, please, Mr Dim Post, could you offer to show them how satire should be done?

    Comment by Leopold — June 28, 2011 @ 2:29 pm

  5. Ok, so if ACT is taking over the job of providing satire for the masses (or at least being more obvious about it) I guess this means you must now assume responsibility for issuing policy statements which provide clear and rational neo-liberal market-led solutions to the challenges facing New Zealanders. That’s only fair and reasonable.

    Comment by Nick R — June 28, 2011 @ 2:41 pm

  6. It’s enough to make Atlas shrug.

    Comment by Gregor W — June 28, 2011 @ 2:44 pm

  7. If they want to promote a ban eating too much food in one go should they also back a ban on writing about too many babies in one go?

    Stuff LATEST: A Facebook group has been set up urging people not to buy a book written in collaboration with the mother of the Kahui twins.

    Comment by Pete George — June 28, 2011 @ 2:47 pm

  8. Libertarianz used to do this all the time, but they were generally funnier

    Comment by kim — June 28, 2011 @ 2:48 pm

  9. Lolwut?

    Must be some Epsom in-joke, a hacker , or an evolution of ‘let them eat cake’

    Comment by TBWood — June 28, 2011 @ 2:51 pm

  10. “I guess this means you must now assume responsibility for issuing policy statements which provide clear and rational neo-liberal market-led solutions to the challenges facing New Zealanders.”

    Why? It’s not like ACT have been doing so up til now.

    Comment by Tui — June 28, 2011 @ 2:57 pm

  11. As it was Lindsay Perigo who wrote this then its no surprise there’s a familiarity about it…..you been pnwed DM…;-)

    Comment by James — June 28, 2011 @ 3:26 pm

  12. James: ‘pwned’? What? How? I honestly don’t understand the thought process that could have led you to that conclusion.

    Comment by The PC Avenger — June 28, 2011 @ 3:37 pm

  13. “Libertarianz used to do this all the time, but they were generally funnier”

    So is this the invisible hand of Lindsay Perigo working for Act?

    Comment by Dr Foster — June 28, 2011 @ 3:42 pm

  14. And I thought Rodney’s demise was a move to get rid of the circus-act element that had so damaged the brand of the party… no?

    Comment by Sam — June 28, 2011 @ 3:45 pm

  15. “Spokeswomanperson” in the first sentence? Yeah, it’s either Perigo or ACT have hired a fourteen year old boy – the President of the Scotts College Dungeons and Dragons club perhaps? – to write their press releases for them.

    Comment by danylmc — June 28, 2011 @ 3:46 pm

  16. PC Avenger – isn’t it obvious? ACT – Perigo – pwned. Obvious. Stands to reason. How could anyone need further explanation? Or at least – I think that is how things work in Jamesworld…

    Comment by Nick R — June 28, 2011 @ 3:46 pm

  17. Nick: I’m not so sure. I think it’s because the universe told James that DM got pwned.

    Comment by wtl — June 28, 2011 @ 3:54 pm

  18. It’s an article of lolbertarian faith that Lindsay Perigo is funny and articulate, and not a sweary man-child.

    Comment by Trouble Man — June 28, 2011 @ 4:00 pm

  19. I have to admit I didn’t get this at first. Even after I followed the link to Scoop and saw “Press Release: ACT New Zealand”, I still thought, for some reason, that Danyl had written this as a hoax and somehow got it on Scoop .

    I couldn’t figure out why Danyl wasn’t funny anymore.

    Comment by Jordan — June 28, 2011 @ 4:25 pm

  20. “the President of the Scotts College Dungeons and Dragons club perhaps?”

    Personally I think you’re being particularly unfair to d&d players everywhere.

    Comment by Greg — June 28, 2011 @ 4:28 pm

  21. Heather Roy has announced she’s leaving Parliament at the election. Sorry she won’t go sooner….but the light is at the end of the tunnel regardless. She’s clearly lost the plot….if she ever had the plot in the first place. Jury is out.

    Comment by Steve — June 28, 2011 @ 4:42 pm

  22. It’s entirely possible Heather Roy knew nothing about this press release.

    Comment by danylmc — June 28, 2011 @ 5:09 pm

  23. It seems inconceivable that Roy did know about this press release, seeing as its purpose seems to be to mock her. It certainly does give the impression that ACT is now run by schoolboys, which would also explain a)why Perigo’s been mentioned as the possible author; and b) why James thinks it’s funny.

    Comment by Psycho Milt — June 28, 2011 @ 5:28 pm

  24. James doesn’t just think it’s funny, he thinks that it’s witty.

    Comment by Rhinocrates — June 28, 2011 @ 5:40 pm

  25. Studies have shown conclusively that the vast majority of participants who developed diabetes had been eating for years

    This nicely sums up a lot of what passes for social-policy research, and is moderately witty too…

    … too bad it’s buried in 300 words of fuckupery.

    Comment by Phil — June 28, 2011 @ 5:56 pm

  26. “Spokeswomanperson” in the first sentence

    Muldoon circa 1979 got all trendy and appoint a “Spokesman for Women’s Affairs (I think this was a forerunner of having an actual minister but Graeme Edgeler will quickly correct me).

    Rather than appoint the obvious woman MP to the job (Marilyn Waring) he appoint Jim McLay.

    Jim promptly said “You’d better call me the spokesperit from now on.”

    Comment by johnsonmike — June 28, 2011 @ 6:01 pm

  27. It’s so witty that it pwns anyone who reads it. :)

    Comment by wtl — June 28, 2011 @ 6:02 pm

  28. @ Rhino

    I think Perigo has your socks. I would put them on though after what he did to them when producing this…er…release.

    Comment by Gregor W — June 28, 2011 @ 6:20 pm

  29. should read “wouldn’t”

    Comment by Gregor W — June 28, 2011 @ 6:21 pm

  30. That’s alright, the universe dropped by this morning and lent a few extra pairs to me. They’re OK, but due to a slight spatio-temporal error, my toes now emerge from my cuffs in 1985.

    Comment by Rhinocrates — June 28, 2011 @ 6:24 pm

  31. Seriously though… well actually not at all… it’s going to be very interesting to see Don Brash, who tried so hard to seem to be saying, plainly and sensibly what people really felt (you know, like Andi Brotherston said of Paul Henry) when there is such a discordance of tone from Perigo. Every time he’s going to try to look like the calm, sensible uncle, even while uttering the most arrant nonsense, someone’s going to point at Perigo’s inevitable Godwins.

    Comment by Rhinocrates — June 28, 2011 @ 6:30 pm

  32. For example:

    Q: “Could you really work in coalition with someone who in a press release from the ACT party was described as a Stalinist pigeon-fucker who wears winkle-pickers and smells of dock leaves?”

    “Well, aaaaahhhhhh…. yes, it would be necessary to come to an accommodation of course…”

    The universe and I are going to stock up on the popcorn (of course the universe already has all of the popcorn in existence).

    Comment by Rhinocrates — June 28, 2011 @ 6:35 pm

  33. Meanwhile, from the Economist: Chart of the day – Diabetes

    To remind us that there is such a thing as an evidence based world, and some people (including, I’m sure, some New Zealanders) live in it.

    Comment by George D — June 28, 2011 @ 7:09 pm

  34. HTML fail. Link.

    Comment by George D — June 28, 2011 @ 7:24 pm

  35. George, your link didn’t work.

    Presumably it didn’t survive the passage back an hour in time from when you posted it in the future.

    Comment by chiz — June 28, 2011 @ 7:26 pm

  36. Perigo has started earning his (stolen at gunpoint from the wallets of the productive) paycheck I see. With work like this he will be worth at least 3 percentage points in the polls, one way or the other.

    Comment by Guy Smiley — June 28, 2011 @ 8:29 pm

  37. Poe’s Law. That’s all I have to say.

    Comment by DeepRed — June 28, 2011 @ 8:42 pm

  38. It’ll get worse. We’ve got months of it yet to come.

    Half-decent interviewer/Loch Ness Monster (whichever is more plausible nowadays): “I see that according to this press release from the ACT party, you’re a Nazi who’s been felching armadilloes with Pol Pot. Do you really think that you can form a coalition with Don Brash after this?”

    John Key: “I think that only shows how strenously I am wiling to remedy the faded polly seas of the Ladle party in 1847.”

    Phil Goff: “This is unacceptable. When Labour becomes the government intend to felch pangolins with Vlad Tepes.”

    The universe has declined to comment.

    Comment by Rhinocrates — June 28, 2011 @ 8:49 pm

  39. And why don’t the anti-Kahui book people go one up and bonfire it?

    Comment by DeepRed — June 28, 2011 @ 8:52 pm

  40. 20 years ago, Lindsay Perigo was New Zealand’s leading serious TV interviewer

    Comment by Kahikatea — June 28, 2011 @ 9:01 pm

  41. If us Kiwi men are gonna catch up with Australia, George, we going to have to double-down!

    Comment by Nick — June 28, 2011 @ 9:07 pm

  42. a shiny new commenting interface, but still no edit function… there should be an “are” in there somewhere.

    Comment by Nick — June 28, 2011 @ 9:08 pm

  43. @ Rhino. A source close to events has hinted that draft Labour policy is to frottage native parrots and if necessary, to beat those dastardly Nats, cottage in the lavs at the Backbencher.

    Comment by will — June 28, 2011 @ 9:25 pm

  44. @ Kahikatea

    I know, and I am baffled by it. As DeepRed says, Poe’s Law applies and it is simply impossible to parody him. I could say “felching armadilloes” and after a quick google search, I’d find that he’d actually said exactly the same thing, except that he’d referred to glyptodonts or trilobites.

    I can only surmise that he’s suffered some form of stroke. There’s this case, which may offer a clue:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phineas_Gage

    I can assure you though that James will be standing on the sidelines, shaking his pom-poms.

    And I am really looking forward to Brash trying to justify it all.

    Comment by Rhinocrates — June 28, 2011 @ 9:29 pm

  45. This nicely sums up a lot of what passes for social-policy research…

    I can never decide whether the research is simply badly reported, or whether social scientists really are that stupid. I used to assume it was bad reporting, but given that the reporters still write stuff like “Obesity seems to be a main culprit” (quoted from George D’s linked article), and I don’t see social scientists rushing to condemn it as an obvious and stupid correlation=causation error, it looks like yes social scientists really are that stupid.

    Comment by Psycho Milt — June 28, 2011 @ 9:50 pm

  46. …lasciviously eyeing a side-dish of bean sprouts… Got the whacky Jim Hopkins school of crazy fascist high-jinkery written all over this one…talk about chuckle…

    Comment by ak — June 28, 2011 @ 10:08 pm

  47. I don’t see social scientists rushing to condemn it as an obvious and stupid correlation=causation error

    From my knowledge of the scientists I know, while I might be cynical about “soft” scientists, I’m pretty sure that it’s a case of “I told the stupid fucker X, they wrote Y, I might as well try to follow up and correct them, but they’ll never get it past their editor because it’s ‘yesterday’s news’ – and besides there’s another press release I have to cut and paste and add my byline to.”

    In mitigation, the journalists I know are good, intelligent people, but the systems in which they work now is neither, or assumes that the readership has the attention span and of a goldfish and the intellectual depth of a… well, there’s so much to choose from: amoeba, fungus, custard, rich pudding, detergent, agar jelly, neutronium, saline solution…

    Comment by Rhinocrates — June 28, 2011 @ 10:16 pm

  48. I meant “rice pudding”.

    That matters.

    Comment by Rhinocrates — June 28, 2011 @ 10:18 pm

  49. sorry if somebody pointed this out but ACT did another one. http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/PA1106/S00403.htm

    Head hurts.

    Comment by Amy — June 29, 2011 @ 12:09 am

  50. says the party’s Spokesman on Dodgy Beverages, Sir Roger Douglas

    Bozhe moi.

    This is actually quite hilarious. I can’t imagine (and this may indicate my own limitations perhaps) that personages as humourless as Brash, Douglas and… I forget who… Heather Roy?… are approving of these press releases by Perigo published under their names.

    Who among us cannot resist the sight of a train wreck in slow motion? I know I can’t. (An imaginary chocolate fish to anyone who sees the reference to Graham Chapman).

    Now, if Act were populated by reasonable people, I would imagine that Perigo would get a severe talking-to, at which point he would promptly declare a fatwa against them all and their fellow travelers and resign in disgust, if he weren’t forced at gunpoint to accept the money extorted from the sheeple. That would be the logical process of events, wouldn’t it?

    However, this is Act and I really can’t contain my giggles at this point.

    Comment by Rhinocrates — June 29, 2011 @ 12:59 am

  51. Still waffling on here? I could make a fortune selling you lot rubber bed sheets it seems…

    Comment by James — June 29, 2011 @ 1:35 am

  52. James, I’m sorry, so very, very sorry, but I’ve really got to say it, since you’ve given me no choice. It’s worse than “Zzzzzzzzzzzzz!”

    It’s this….

    I’ve just have to say it…

    Really, you can run away now to avoid it if you can’t cope, but…

    Well, you know, as I said, I’ve just got to do it, go to Defcon Four, unleash the full nuclear option and all that…

    Here it comes… this is your last chance… (you can avert it by giving me a shrubbery)…

    Nih!

    Comment by Rhinocrates — June 29, 2011 @ 3:01 am

  53. More irony…

    http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/5204679/Facebook-rape-remark-unacceptable

    My God, they are nasty bunch in ACT.

    Comment by Sanctuary — June 29, 2011 @ 7:53 am

  54. Don’t get too high and mighty Sanctuary…the complainant is not lily white and has vested interests in ACT bashing to say the least…

    “Turns out the woman that ran off to the media about Cameron’s is the current AUSA Treasurer. She’s also the one that called him a wanker, a racist and a supporter of genocide. Have just sent my own complaint email to AUSA demanding an apology from her too.”

    And as for nasty …..”Well known media personality, darling of the left and Mana Party activist Bomber Bradbury compared a potential ACT candidate to convicted paedophile Graham Capill last night on Twitter.

    We think trivialising CHILD rape is disgusting and we trust Young Labour and The Wellington Young Feminists’ Collective will join us in spreading this screenshot to the media, acting outraged on twitter and demanding a public apology”

    Peter McCaffery…AOC

    Comment by James — June 29, 2011 @ 8:02 am

  55. Perigo’s satires are at least formally interesting. The usual point of political satire is to make your opponents look stupid. ACT are more often the target of these satires than any other party. The subject-says-crazy-things! form that Perigo uses would, from a lesser pen, make his subjects look stupid — and the subjects are his own party. Everyone knows, however, that ACT MPs are much more intelligent than the rest of us. Since they’re not stupid, it therefore follows that the form is stupid.

    It’s a satire of satires! By being unfunny and incoherent, he’s undermining the satirical form. Since Danyl’s wit was the only effective opposition to them, expect them to hit their 40% poll target presently.

    Comment by bradluen — June 29, 2011 @ 8:17 am

  56. Browne: “Tania: Get raped”.

    Perhaps there is some context I can’t imagine in which that would be an understandable thing to say in anger. But it’s not an imperative that has come up in any conversation I’ve had.

    Browne’s apology: “I do apologise to Tania for my comment, I am indeed sorry wish to retract the comment. This was however after several insults that included “wanker” which I take great offense to. Many more insults continued after this, none from me.”

    Again, I’m struggling to see how the escalation from “wanker” to “get raped” is justified.

    Bomber’s tweet: “Far right ACT candidate is more hateful towards the poor and weak than Michael Laws, Paul Henry and Graham Capill combined”

    A dumb thing to say, though not one of the ten dumbest things Bomber has said this month. But accusing him of trivialising child rape? By making that accusation, won’t ACT be perceived by people who are not in ACT as trivialising paedophilia for their political purposes?

    Do you really need Crosby/Textor to tell you that if you’re in a hole, you shouldn’t keep digging?

    Comment by bradluen — June 29, 2011 @ 9:34 am

  57. bradluen,

    You don’t understand James’ position. As he sees it, when Cameron Browne says “get raped”, he is merely expressing the view that if the woman in question dangles her bleeding leg in the water, a shark will bite it. The Universe says so. And as there is no difference between a factual claim and an evaluative claim, his statement simply is a warning that her present behaviour is like leaving a house unlocked in a high-crime area.

    If she, or anyone else, gets offended, they need to have a chat with the Universe about it.

    Comment by Grassed Up — June 29, 2011 @ 9:48 am

  58. Again, I’m struggling to see how the escalation from “wanker” to “get raped” is justified.

    I’m not, unfortunately. A troll using the pseudonym “Buster Hymen” wrote to Salient some years back following this line of reasoning: Sex is pleasurable > receiving money is pleasurable > receiving money is like sex > rape is like having money forced on you > women should enjoy rape.

    That line of reasoning is perfectly consistent within its own narrowly-defined terms, especially so if one’s prophet explicitly denigrates empathy and respect for other people as despicable weaknesses that obscure the one true virtue of pure selfishness. Cracks about rape are simply useful rhetorical tools, and if someone chooses to take offense, well it’s one’s own fault for choosing to take offense and shows one’s own weakness. The Actoid who wrote the attack on Bomber probably honestly believes that he’s laid a very clever rhetorical trap and that Tania Lim has been publicly and deservedly “pwned”.

    Believe it or not, that is not satire or hyperbole. I had an Actoid friend follow exactly that line of reasoning. He was an ex-friend very shortly after that. No doubt that indicates my unfitness.

    James is certainly well aware, if he has read the article, that Tania Lim is a victim of sexual assault and being told to get raped would be a trigger for her, but he thinks that Browne is the victim, with her duplicity heroically revealed by Peter McCaffery(?). I usually think that James is a useful excuse for some idle fun, but sometimes the guy comes across as really creepy, especially in his attitudes to women and sex.

    Comment by Rhinocrates — June 29, 2011 @ 10:49 am

  59. if the woman in question dangles her bleeding leg in the water, a shark will bite it

    Or is she goes near the water when… you know, during that time of the month.

    Comment by Rhinocrates — June 29, 2011 @ 11:51 am

  60. Ok, can I just make it clear that I am a completely different James.

    Comment by James — June 29, 2011 @ 12:04 pm

  61. Yep, that’s cleared that up nicely, James.

    Comment by Rich (the other one) — June 29, 2011 @ 12:08 pm

  62. but he thinks that Browne is the victim

    I believe it’s somewhere in the Act on Campus constitution that officeholders are:

    1. Required to behave as tragic overcompensating arses.

    2. Regard themselves as victims when anyone objects.

    It’s a kind of apprenticeship for future office.

    Comment by Russell Brown — June 29, 2011 @ 12:45 pm

  63. “2. Regard themselves as victims when anyone objects.”

    I think that clause applies to all people with political aspirations/politicians. Not just Act folk…

    Comment by david c — June 29, 2011 @ 1:27 pm

  64. I think that clause applies to all people with political aspirations/politicians. Not just Act folk…

    BOTH clauses apply to all people with political aspirations

    Comment by Phil — June 29, 2011 @ 2:30 pm

  65. I was mealy pointing out that Brown accuser has a vested interest in making an issue of this silly Facebook spat….and has.

    Comment by James — June 29, 2011 @ 4:18 pm

  66. Heh. Mealy.

    Comment by david c — June 29, 2011 @ 4:29 pm


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