The Dim-Post

October 5, 2011

I hope this doesn’t get me in trouble with the Electoral Commission

Filed under: Politics,satire — danylmc @ 6:26 am

DimPost Exclusive – a sneak peak at National’s new election billboards.

(With thanks to Joe Wylie, who did the photo-shopping.)

About these ads

75 Comments »

  1. When do we get Bron’s Moms secret roast chicken recipe?

    Comment by little_stevie — October 5, 2011 @ 6:45 am

  2. Heh…it does feel a bit like that.

    Comment by James — October 5, 2011 @ 6:48 am

  3. I shall ask Joe if I can print it out and paste them up around these here parts

    Comment by Cnr Joe — October 5, 2011 @ 7:10 am

  4. Win an in home BBQ lesson with Gerry for Red Zone residents, inside, and 1,000 free mad butcher sausages.

    See Judith show off the latest in Video surveillance gear and the best spots in New Zealand to get your car crushed.

    Comment by andy (the other one) — October 5, 2011 @ 7:10 am

  5. No promoter statement! No promoter statement!

    Anticipate outraged – OUTRAGED! – posts from Red Alert, The Standard, Kiwiblog, Whaleoil, No Right Turn and … Pundit (snigger).

    Comment by Andrew Geddis — October 5, 2011 @ 7:10 am

  6. I am outraged! Only last week Phil and I were interviewed by the NZ National and now we are ditched for a puff piece about Kate and Wills.

    Comment by trevorM — October 5, 2011 @ 7:20 am

  7. I’m not sure I’d like to read about Phil and Trevor’s steamy bedroom secrets … but I am quite the prude.

    Comment by Grassed Up — October 5, 2011 @ 7:38 am

  8. Brilliant. And spookily close to what they’ve actually done.

    Comment by Russell Brown — October 5, 2011 @ 7:38 am

  9. Must be the topic of the day. He hasn’t been on Celebrity Chef yet though.

    http://thestandard.org.nz/open-mike-05102011/#comment-381344

    Comment by Pete George — October 5, 2011 @ 7:43 am

  10. I am interested in hearing of ways an authoritarian, unaccountable govt could spice up my sex life. When does this issue come out?

    Comment by Psycho Milt — October 5, 2011 @ 7:48 am

  11. It’s clever but not quite as clever as whatever Key is doing to lead you to do it.

    Comment by NeilM — October 5, 2011 @ 8:34 am

  12. You know-if this is circulated widely enough JK might just hit 90% Most Preferred..

    JC

    Comment by JC — October 5, 2011 @ 8:39 am

  13. Kinda interesting the National Party are soft left for sure.

    Given what is happening across the world this is the calm before the storm for NZ. You can pull this poster out in 3 years time and think of the façade the One party state was able to present to NZ for quiet a number of years. This is a poster for the times.

    Comment by Simon — October 5, 2011 @ 8:42 am

  14. That’s beautiful, Danyl and Joe.

    Comment by felix — October 5, 2011 @ 8:49 am

  15. V. sweet of you Felix, but the visuals are 99% Danyl’s concept. The rest was inspired by something I once saw on the footpath in Kings X, minus the frozen peas.

    Comment by Joe W — October 5, 2011 @ 8:58 am

  16. Is it just subjective, because I find Key to be thoroughly facile and pointless, or does he get much more breathless, fawning attention from the women’s mags than was ever lavished on Helen?

    Comment by Matt — October 5, 2011 @ 9:02 am

  17. Ouch ! Too close to the bone!

    Comment by Michael S — October 5, 2011 @ 9:10 am

  18. Sublime, made my day!

    Comment by ak — October 5, 2011 @ 9:24 am

  19. Can’t wait for next months special election bumper edition…

    Comment by Sam — October 5, 2011 @ 9:29 am

  20. It’s the mark of true satire that the more you think about it, the less funny it is.

    Comment by Stephen — October 5, 2011 @ 9:35 am

  21. 20. It’s the mark of true satire that the more you think about it, the less funny it is.

    Comment by Stephen — October 5, 2011 @ 9:35 am

    +1

    Comment by Paul Rowe — October 5, 2011 @ 10:05 am

  22. Brilliant.

    Comment by Ataahua — October 5, 2011 @ 10:10 am

  23. Excellent, Joe & Danyl.

    Only problem is that the National party never mentions the National party these days. It’s a “John Key government”, in every public utterance.

    This could backfire on election day, as John Key Fans can’t find the box with his face, and end up ticking the All Black one. So Winston gets 10%.

    Comment by sammy — October 5, 2011 @ 10:10 am

  24. In the following years, by the 2017 election, we will start to see the emergence, I feel, of the National Party of New Zealand progressively being overtaken by the international bankers, as well as the All Blacks team. Now, this is important: DO NOT VOTE FOR THEM! They care only about themselves, not the workers of this country, which are the backbone of New Zealand. I cannot say this enough: DO NOT VOTE FOR NATIONAL! They will, I feel, successively make New Zealand into a paradise for the rich, and have done so already. This is not good enough and is dire for the majority of people in New Zealand. They had the opportunity, after the last election, to implement widespread tax cuts that would benefit all of New Zealanders fairly but, instead, they continued to pander to their own kind and therefore I feel that this party may not be able to be trusted in the coming years. A lot of people feel worse off because of them and this reflects the coming of a further downturn in the economy which will be catastrophic.

    Comment by Betty — October 5, 2011 @ 10:37 am

  25. I hope this doesn’t get me in trouble with the Electoral Commission

    Whatever. You totally hope it does.

    Comment by Graeme Edgeler — October 5, 2011 @ 10:40 am

  26. Key’s ability to fanservice everyone from rugbyheads to readers of glossies seems unprecedented in NZ politics. Though peak Winston might have been close.

    Comment by bradluen — October 5, 2011 @ 10:55 am

  27. … as well as the All Blacks team
    Ha, sublimely odd.

    Comment by garethw — October 5, 2011 @ 11:37 am

  28. Pure satirical gold.

    Comment by mikaerecurtis — October 5, 2011 @ 11:39 am

  29. “Only problem is that the National party never mentions the National party these days. It’s a “John Key government”, in every public utterance.”

    This is actually a part of the Americanisation of our politics… not since the pre-Clinton days (at least) have U.S. politicians regularly talked about the party they belong to. They always talk about the other guy’s party, though.

    Comment by Hugh — October 5, 2011 @ 12:38 pm

  30. A mighty magazine to own. (A Fanzine?)
    I note that there is no price for this edition. Priceless?

    Comment by ianmac — October 5, 2011 @ 1:29 pm

  31. @20

    They could trademark his face as the National Party logo, the same way that Colonel Sanders stands for KFC.

    Comment by rhinocrates — October 5, 2011 @ 2:22 pm

  32. @23, I mean

    Comment by rhinocrates — October 5, 2011 @ 2:22 pm

  33. They could trademark his face as the National Party logo, the same way that Colonel Sanders stands for KFC.

    Scott Y can advise on the technicalities, but I’m pretty sure you can’t trademark things that have lost their distinctive mark of a particular entity and become generic.

    Comment by George D — October 5, 2011 @ 2:43 pm

  34. Without doubt the very best piece of work I’ve seen all year. Well done!

    Comment by Adolf Fiinkensein — October 5, 2011 @ 3:32 pm

  35. “I’m pretty sure you can’t trademark things that have lost their distinctive mark of a particular entity and become generic”

    what if it was a deliberately bland generic entity in the first place?

    Comment by Sacha — October 5, 2011 @ 3:54 pm

  36. I love how the main title is not in National Party blue but metrosexual pink. It’s been a complete makeover.

    Comment by bka — October 5, 2011 @ 3:54 pm

  37. “I love how the main title is not in National Party blue but metrosexual pink. It’s been a complete makeover.”

    Is this the true nature of Waitakere Man? A tradesman with a secret yearning for a man bag and skin products. I think someone should tell Chris Trotter

    Comment by Tinakori — October 5, 2011 @ 4:05 pm

  38. I hear the ‘back, sack and crack’ is de rigueur in West Auckland this spring.

    Comment by little_stevie — October 5, 2011 @ 4:08 pm

  39. Brilliantly funny. Overlooks the fact though, that things are only this way because the left have made it so.

    Comment by Redbaiter — October 5, 2011 @ 4:30 pm

  40. @33/35

    Well, there is this as a precedent:

    http://www.newmansown.com/

    Paul Newman’s likeness was well known before he created the bran and now he’s dead; John Key’s is well-known and he’s never been alive.

    National could brand itself Key’s Own, or Keyzone, or to further mangle the language in homage to the great man, Keezone. Get into the Zone man, and down with the kids! Genius!

    Comment by Rhinocrates — October 5, 2011 @ 4:33 pm

  41. That is absolute f’ing gold

    Comment by Matt Nolan — October 5, 2011 @ 4:48 pm

  42. “Overlooks the fact though, that things are only this way because the left have made it so.”

    Save this to your clipboard and you’ll never actually have to type out a new blog comment ever again :P

    Comment by Sam F — October 5, 2011 @ 4:56 pm

  43. No room for “You too can cook up a storm on $49 a week! – John’s cleaner gives handy hints”?

    Comment by Leopold — October 5, 2011 @ 5:01 pm

  44. Further musings relayed from my listening device in the branding think-tank: … Keezone… almost sounds like it could have “Kiwi” stuffed into it there somewhere… Kwizone. Hmm. Suggestive without being specific, like one of those nice anodyne Japanese luxury brands such as “Lexus” or “Infiniti”, but sounds too much like “Queasy”, which could have negative connotations… has that new grad from Massey’s advertising school got something I can take credit for? Massey, Wellington… Wellywood… Masseywelly… Melly… hmmm… What’s that? Ooh, shiny!

    (Oh, and yes, the graphic is absofuckinglutely brilliant)

    Comment by Rhinocrates — October 5, 2011 @ 5:11 pm

  45. Does it contains JK’s recipes for barbequed steak, and an exclusive from Heston Blumenthal on how to cook a $6000 dinner featuring an iPod and the carcass of a peasant?

    (Knowing that Joe did the visuals, I have Bride of Frankenstein earwormed in my head. Thanks, on both counts.)

    Comment by George D — October 5, 2011 @ 5:19 pm

  46. … need to rebrand the Kiwi, I think… Lose the “w” – it’s weak. Female demographic might like it though…

    Without the “w” it’s Kii, like Wii, which is cool – think of the Gen-Y demographic…

    That beak too – needs something more raptorial, hooked, to support KiiZone.

    Are capitals in the middle of a word too 90’s you think?

    Dunno.

    Like the “KiiZone” for the sound of it – the implied aggressiveness of “Killzone”, which I’m sure I saw on a game somewhere, but again, as you said, anodyne, like those Japanese brands, so it’s not too hard for the female consumer… and of course it’s closer to the original for the PM, so – you know – we’re keeping pure, true to the essence of it all, like.

    OK, so the bird’s now supporting the brand – think we can get DoC endorsement?

    Sure, can’t see what else they’re good for… What about the CRI genetics guys? D’you think they can fiddle with the DNA of the things, give ‘em that beak? Maybe with a Silver Fern logo on the side? And a built in smile, like a dolphin. The Greenies will like that.

    Yeah, maybe, but can’t we just CGI it?

    Comment by Rhinocrates — October 5, 2011 @ 5:24 pm

  47. Without the “w” it’s Kii, like Wii, which is cool – think of the Gen-Y demographic…

    I’d go for KiZi, actually. Like those new petrol stations. And using a lower case i before caps makes you hip, too.

    Comment by George D — October 5, 2011 @ 5:38 pm

  48. …KiZi… maybe.. lower case the first letters, upper case the I at the end, like iPod, but the other way round – original!

    Put it in italics too – kizI

    I like it – it makes a statement: “I’m an individual!”

    I’m not.

    What?

    Life of Brian

    Yeah, OK.

    Bold? kiz-I

    How about and exclamation mark? Volkswagen did it, called a car the “Up!”

    Comment by Rhinocrates — October 5, 2011 @ 5:48 pm

  49. … don’t like the hyphen – it’s archaic. Victorian.

    Nah, that’s OK – Steampunk’s in these day. See Doctor Grordbort.* Keep the hyphen. Anyway, it adds a rhythm, like “Fuck, yeah!” It’s assertive.

    Shit, where would we be without Weta?

    *http://www.drgrordborts.com/dr-grordbort-s-infallible-aether-oscillators-where-science-meets-violence/

    Comment by Rhinocrates — October 5, 2011 @ 5:53 pm

  50. That figures! Gemini moons can be gossips and chatterboxes! and Cancer moons have their ups and downs more than most
    :)

    Comment by Macro — October 5, 2011 @ 6:05 pm

  51. Key is the ultimate post-modern figure. An empty shell that can be laughing with the ‘gays’, churching it up with the fundies, down with the kids, sexy to the sheilahs, drinking with the lads and pleasing little old grannies. He is everything and nothing. But this is why he is such an overwhelming political opponent. He has no core values or philosophical beliefs, instead he becomes what his audience requires him to be at any particular point in time. This has been wonderfully manufactured. The problem is that the opposition (and many commentators) believe that things like clear policy and strong leadership from the opposition can dent his popularity – it just can’t. Labour need to abandon ideas about selling a vision or values or policy. Instead, they need to start a national campaign for someone vapid enough to appeal to everyone. Take said person and beginning an intensive training programme. Damn it Labour, you too can have the Manchurian candidate.

    Comment by Tim — October 5, 2011 @ 6:22 pm

  52. Are you pissed RHinO???!!

    Comment by little_stevie — October 5, 2011 @ 6:26 pm

  53. @ Tim ” The problem is that the opposition (and many commentators) believe that things like clear policy and strong leadership from the opposition can dent his popularity”

    The ‘opposition’ couldn’t muster a clear policy or a strong leadership if their electoral lives depended on it, as we have seen for the past 3 years.

    Comment by little_stevie — October 5, 2011 @ 6:28 pm

  54. “I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma: but perhaps there is a key. That key is Russian national interest.”

    …so that’s what he was talking about. JOHN Key, not some meta-key. Smart man, Winston C.

    Comment by TBWood — October 5, 2011 @ 6:34 pm

  55. …kiz-I , …kiz-I! Whadya think, guys?

    Make it kiiz-I! You know, like poetry, it repeats… George Lucas said that I saw it on the extras for The Phantom Revenge of the Clone Sith. The two lower-case i and then the upper-case I and the exclamation mark, they repeat – like poetry. Snappy, but deep.

    I like ‘em both “kiz-I! ” It’s really assertive, like an orgasm as a logo! John Key’s going to be the sexiest PM since… since… Elvis!

    Who’s… either of those guys? I thought we were talking about the brand.

    Ah, (lower-case) stevie, you’re so cute. I’m not pissed yet, but I’m working on it. FYI, I’m drawing on a bit of personal experience of “creatives”. I used to teach the little fuckers until I quit.

    Comment by Rhinocrates — October 5, 2011 @ 6:37 pm

  56. Key. We.
    (with apologies to Mohamed Ali)

    Comment by Phil Stewart — October 5, 2011 @ 6:48 pm

  57. @ Rhino – So it’s just the long term prescription meds fucking with you then eh.

    Comment by little_stevie — October 5, 2011 @ 7:08 pm

  58. @55

    Whadya think guys? A left-field thing there… looks serious. Projects sobreity, solidarity. Something we need for these troubled times, don’t you think?

    @56

    Never met someone who works in marketing? They really talk and act like that…. but that’s all over your head, isn’t it? Look, it’s parody, OK? Look it up (God, why do I have to explain it? It kills the mood).

    [Aside: Hmmm, maybe I can poke him a bit, like James the Randroid, see what he does...]

    Comment by Rhinocrates — October 5, 2011 @ 7:19 pm

  59. Over compensation doesn’t make you sober Rhino.

    Comment by little_stevie — October 5, 2011 @ 7:31 pm

  60. Well, I’ve hooked him; now do I want to play with him? James the Randroid had a theme with “the universe told me” stuff that I – all of us – could work with, and that was fun for a while, but there’s nothing consistent here, just simple reactive, cliched blurts. Like a bad chatbot, lower-case stevie won’t even pass the Turing Test.

    Back to the Johnnie Walker then. Then maybe some work.

    By the way, Stephen @20 “It’s the mark of true satire that the more you think about it, the less funny it is.” That is brilliant. And utterly desolating.

    Comment by Rhinocrates — October 5, 2011 @ 7:49 pm

  61. Hey Rhino, you’re sounding like a bot from The Standard eh mate.

    Comment by trevorM — October 5, 2011 @ 7:57 pm

  62. I hope there’s an authorisation statement and street address on the back :p

    Comment by Dion — October 5, 2011 @ 8:03 pm

  63. I just love it!

    A virtual prime minister.

    Comment by peterlepaysan — October 5, 2011 @ 9:08 pm

  64. Peter Rowe, Rhinocrates: thank you. It’s possible it might even be an original thought — at least I can’t think where I might have unconsciously cribbed it from.

    Desolate? Yes. But we’ve always known that. If you didn’t laugh, you’d cry.

    Comment by Stephen — October 5, 2011 @ 9:36 pm

  65. In next week’s edition…

    Uploaded with <a href=http://imageshack.us]ImageShack.us

    Comment by DeepRed — October 5, 2011 @ 11:12 pm

  66. Gack, mangled links. A preview button would be handy.

    In next week’s edition…

    Uploaded with ImageShack.us

    Comment by DeepRed — October 5, 2011 @ 11:16 pm

  67. Seriously, does ImageShack ban hot-linking? Let’s try another pic host…

    ———-

    In next week’s edition…

    Comment by DeepRed — October 5, 2011 @ 11:22 pm

  68. @ plp 63
    what’s to love, and haven’t we had it since 2008? our vPM has served up what ‘we’ voted for.

    Comment by R — October 5, 2011 @ 11:25 pm

  69. Are HTML IMG tags disabled on WordPress? Screw it, I’ll just have to post the raw link.

    ——–

    In next week’s edition…

    Comment by DeepRed — October 5, 2011 @ 11:26 pm

  70. Tim – Dan Carter’s free. And he’s closer to a mannikin than any human should be…

    Comment by bob — October 6, 2011 @ 2:32 pm

  71. @ trevorM – ummm, if you’re the real Trevor Mallard, don’t you have an election campaign to run? Are you trawling for ideas on the blogs? Oh well, at least you’re not grubbing for publicity on blogs like Whaleoil… wait, I sense a HoS headline – Mallard challenges Slater to tiddlewinks on top of Harbour Bridge…

    Comment by bob — October 6, 2011 @ 2:36 pm

  72. Hey Danyl – looks like you made the MSM http://www.3news.co.nz/National-Party—the-magazine/tabid/419/articleID/228509/Default.aspx

    Comment by millsy — October 6, 2011 @ 3:08 pm

  73. I am sure I saw that edition over a week ago.

    What does the latest one feature? Standards and poors? Heh.

    Comment by peterlepaysan — October 6, 2011 @ 10:01 pm

  74. You have this filed under
    satire”?

    Surely you jest?

    Comment by peterlepaysan — October 7, 2011 @ 8:42 pm

  75. Interesting how political satire is making a comeback. I’ve seen more of it lately than ever before.

    Satire used to be a very effective (if cautiously used) tool in the old, now-defunct Eastern Bloc, where political criticism was very actively discouraged. Here in NZ, politica criticism isn’t discouraged – it’s merely ignored. So the same frustrations bubble under the surface, and come out as humour. When you’re not taken seriously, you use satire – always the most effective tool when dealing with a monolithic political machine…

    Comment by fmacskasy — October 8, 2011 @ 9:08 pm


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