Monday
Right. There’s a huge amount of work to be done renovating the house and restoring efficiency to the living areas. I have a clear and comprehensive program to achieve that, but there are going to have to be sacrifices if we want a strong, stable house and a brighter future in the downstairs family room.
First order of business is to carpet the hallway. Now some silly people think that the best way to do this is to measure the area of the hall and buy an equivalent amount of carpet. That’s just nonsense. You don’t see businesses in the private sector going around figuring out what they need and then purchasing it. So I’ve sourced a book of carpet samples and left it in the linen cupboard. I’m confident that left to itself the carpet will grow to match the space required within the next twenty-four hours.
Tomorrow. Re-puttying the dining-room windows.
Tuesday
Still no growth in the area of carpet, but I’m confident that left to itself it will increase in size within the next twenty-four hours.
Puttying the windows is an important part of keeping the overall structure weather-tight. If you get cracks in the putty then you get water in the frame, and that rots the wood. After taking advice from Treasury I’ve decided to apply the sealant with a hand-held circular saw.
The result is a slightly less intact window-pane than I would have liked, but that’s due to poor decisions and planning when the window was first installed by the builder. I’m satisfied that future circular-saw applied putty jobs will be more robust.
Wednesday
Fixing the gutters. Some of the nails attaching the guttering to the wall have rusted and come loose. They need to be replaced. This is a tricky job – you need to keep your gutters level or you get water run-off down the walls. Once again the circular saw performs well, and I’m reasonably happy with the results, although the gutters and the walls behind them under-perform. I note once again that these walls were installed by the previous home-owner.
Thursday
Still no growth in the area of carpet, but I’m confident that left to itself it will increase in size within the next twenty-four hours.
It rained during the night and I wake to find several centimeters of water flooding all the downstairs rooms, having come in through the broken windows and gaps in the walls. The rain is an external factor beyond my control, but it will need to be addressed. I put together a high-level task force to provide strategic leadership on the issue, and appoint Murray Horn and John Sherwin to run it. The initial cost of the task-force is $1.5 million dollars over two years, roughly $1,499,000 more than I budgeted for these renovations, so there will have to be cutbacks made in other areas. I unplug the refrigerator.
Next I clean a bit of mould off the gazebo. The next door neighbor stops by to complain about the sound of sawing, and while he’s here he suggests I put tarpaulins up over the broken windows, which – he claims – will keep out any future rain. I explain to him that I’m operating in a tight fiscal environment and that all that tarp would cost dozens of dollars. You can’t solve a problem by throwing money at it.
Friday
Carpet growth still softer than I’d like, but there are signs that it’s picking it.
Today I wall-paper the study, carefully stripping back the old paper and then applying the paste. I’m satisfied with the results, although yet again the environment created by the previous home-owner leads to under-performance, and a lot of paper, paste, plaster and wood gumming up the blades of the circular saw. Not quite the outcome I would have liked, but this house is still better off than comparable homes that never even had a study to start with.
In the afternoon I head down to Bunnings to replace the saw blade – I need it tomorrow to replace the old washers in the laundry – and the sales clerk tries to sell me an insulating blanket for my hot water cylinder, claiming it will reduce my electricity bill and pay for itself within six months. That’s just nonsense. You don’t see businesses in the private sector investing money to provide a greater return than the cost of the investment.
Saturday
Carpet size is holding steady, with growth tracking roughly median performance – which I’m happy with, although obviously I’d like to see it pick up.
The Why Is My House Full of Water task-force published their interim report today. Now we’ll see some progress! It’s excellent, challenging stuff, and they’ve identified some real problems with the house and signaled the way forward.
Their top priority is to address the strategic issue of the basement. This is filled with large concrete pillars sitting between the earth and the bottom floor of the house. As they say in their executive summary, ‘An effective, efficient house should support itself. These concrete piles will have to be removed if this house is to remain competitive with other dwellings on this street.’
Now we have a real road-map as to what an effective, twenty-first century house will look like. I contract in Goldman Sachs to sell the piles on my behalf, at an initial investment of $75 million dollars. This should be recouped when the piles are sold, but until then we’ll just have to tighten our belts and press on. I siphon all the petrol out of my wife’s car. We’re all in this together.
Sunday
Success. The ratio of carpet to hallway has now reached the optimum level. I reject criticisms that this is because the hallway has collapsed – it’s true that it’s not performing to the levels I’d like, but it’s still a space inside the house between the kitchen and the TV room.
Today is a day of rest. It’s been a productive week, and the next seven days are critical in establishing my plans for a super-room, which combines the pantry, shower and garage. I need to build on the momentum I’ve established, and really hammer home the inefficiencies.
Tomorrow: back-office functions. Moving gas fittings to the front-line, outsourcing sewerage, and migrating the storm-water drains to the cloud environment.