The Dim-Post

August 1, 2012

New Christchurch convention center will contain sports stadium which will contain convention center

Filed under: satire — danylmc @ 8:42 am

Christchurch Mayor Bob Parker and Earthquake Recovery Minister Gerry Brownlee provided more details of the rebuild blueprints for the earthquake-devastated city today, including plans to build a second sports stadium inside the new convention center to be constructed on Cathedral square.

‘The sports stadium will be a core attraction for visitors to the convention center,’ said Brownlee. It will be fully covered, provide seating for up to 2000 spectators, and will also contain a state-of the art convention center.

The sports stadium inside the convention center will complement the services provided by the main convention center. It will include business hotels, retail outlets and a covered sports stadium with natural fixed turf, which will also contain a convention center to attract business tourists who want to attend sports events during their stay.

‘We have one or two exciting ideas for what to include in that last convention center, but I don’t want to give too much away,’ Brownlee told reporters. ‘Let’s just say Crusaders fans will be very excited.’ City Council insiders suggest the convention center’s sports stadium’s convention center might house a sports stadium.

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22 Comments »

  1. Wonder if it will be funded by SkyCity and have pokies in it?

    Comment by toad — August 1, 2012 @ 8:46 am

  2. The pokies will be in the lobby of the convention centre stadium’s convention centre. With a big picture of Glorious Leader hovering above.

    Comment by Sacha — August 1, 2012 @ 8:50 am

  3. It’s the white elephant version of the turducken

    Comment by Dean Logan — August 1, 2012 @ 9:14 am

  4. Turd-polishing tournaments are likely to feature.

    Comment by Sacha — August 1, 2012 @ 9:15 am

  5. Apparently, the area of Hagley Park is to be transformed into an exact replica of the Palace of Versailles, where Brownlee will be permanently ensconced as Benevolent Tyrant / Philosopher-King.

    There are also plans to construct an enormous caterpillar-tracked Fabergé egg to cart him around in, replacing his outmoded Crown limo.

    Comment by Gregor W — August 1, 2012 @ 9:46 am

  6. “It’s stadiums and convention centres all the way down.”

    Comment by lyndon — August 1, 2012 @ 9:46 am

  7. “…There are also plans to construct an enormous caterpillar-tracked Fabergé egg to cart him around in…”

    I chortled out loud at this image.

    Comment by Sanctuary — August 1, 2012 @ 10:03 am

  8. The Crusaders tip is a red herring. The Convention Centre’s Stadium’s Convention Centre will house a cinema showing round the clock (ie once a day) screenings of The Silmarillion.

    Comment by Paul Rowe — August 1, 2012 @ 10:23 am

  9. The Convention Centre’s Stadium’s Convention Centre will house a cinema showing round the clock (ie once a day) screenings of The Silmarillion.

    The cinema must be affected by gravitation time dilation in order to project a 95 hour film in 24 hours.
    What massive localised body of celestial matter could be present in Christchurch to cause this?

    Comment by Gregor W — August 1, 2012 @ 10:43 am

  10. Treasury modelling shows that – as convention centres create thousands of jobs – “convention stadium squared” will see NZD’s GDP outrank that of the European Union within 13 weeks…

    Comment by garethw — August 1, 2012 @ 12:02 pm

  11. “It’s stadiums and convention centres all the way down.””

    so there putting a duplicate convention/stadium/turducken in the basement as well?! – freakin ingenious – phase 3? double profit!

    Comment by framu — August 1, 2012 @ 12:59 pm

  12. i can feel the wealth trickling down now. it’s warm and sticky.

    Comment by barf — August 1, 2012 @ 3:32 pm

  13. Christchurch Mayor Bob Parker and Earthquake Recovery Minister Gerry Brownlee …

    Comment by Tim — August 1, 2012 @ 6:05 pm

  14. I’m really excited about this. But when do we find out when “The Road of National Significance to the Convention-Rugby-Convention-Rugby-Stadiumcentre” is announced? I’m thrilled about the $1.7 billion to be spent, which will revitalise the region and save hundreds of lives annually, while transforming Canterbury’s Knowledge Economy and delivering much needed investment in the oval-ball and slot-machine sectors of the market.

    Comment by George D — August 1, 2012 @ 10:10 pm

  15. But when do we find out when “The Road of National Significance to the Convention-Rugby-Convention-Rugby-Stadiumcentre” is announced?
    If you’re excited about that, you should be really really excited about the additional Roads of National Significance FROM the CRCRSC as well as the Circular Road of National Significance AROUND the CRCRSC planned.
    After all, what is good for Messrs Fulton Hogan’s bank balance is good for NZ…

    Comment by Leopold — August 2, 2012 @ 12:10 pm

  16. Yeah ’cause it’s all bad rebuilding a city.

    Comment by Tim — August 2, 2012 @ 5:44 pm

  17. You might have a point, Tim.
    Brownlee, with almost unfettered authority, has achieved so much in the last 16 months.

    Comment by Gregor W — August 2, 2012 @ 9:19 pm

  18. He has indeed. Unlike Sir Bob who seems to spend most of his time off-shore talking at gab-fests.

    Comment by Tim — August 2, 2012 @ 9:21 pm

  19. This is bad because Gerry Brownlee is fat

    Comment by Hugh — August 3, 2012 @ 11:47 am

  20. You forgot to mention all of this will be inside Dr Whos Tardis.

    Comment by MrV — August 4, 2012 @ 10:52 pm

  21. Maybe Dim should re-read Oram’s latest effort, then shift his capital back to Transylvania?

    Comment by paritutu — August 6, 2012 @ 1:33 pm

  22. My bad,Tim. Problems with slippage on the syntagmatic axis again. Fwuck.

    Comment by paritutu — August 6, 2012 @ 1:36 pm


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