The Dim-Post

April 18, 2013

According to reports

Filed under: Politics,satire — danylmc @ 9:18 am

Via Stuff:

Justice Minister Judith Collins is masking her disappointment over not being able to attend Margaret Thatcher’s funeral by throwing a wake. Government MPs “unable to attend” the London ceremony are invited to Ms Collins’ sixth-floor office tonight to commemorate the life of the former British prime minister. Ms Collins paid tribute to Baroness Thatcher last week as a “highly intelligent, brave, formidable woman”.

Dim-Post sources report that last night’s wake was a moving affair, which ended on the stroke of midnight when Attorney General Chris Finlayson solemnly led a white ox into the Justice Minister’s office. Collins then stretched the animal backwards over her blood-stained, heavy stone desk and deftly cut out its heart which she offered, still beating, to the massive basalt statue of Baroness Thatcher that accompanies her everywhere. Treasury officials estimate that this act of obeisance will keep inflation at less than 1% in the forthcoming quarter.

About these ads

17 Comments »

  1. “…Ms Collins paid tribute to Baroness Thatcher last week as a “highly intelligent, brave, formidable woman”…”

    Compared to Judith Collins, she probably was.

    Comment by Sanctuary — April 18, 2013 @ 9:20 am

  2. I find his hard to believe. Surely Judith Collins would have had the bull tipped into a car crusher.

    Comment by Ivan — April 18, 2013 @ 9:26 am

  3. The carcass goes into the crusher after the ceremony is complete. It’s Kosher for Tories.

    Comment by Phil — April 18, 2013 @ 9:36 am

  4. This is Thatcher we’re talking about – wouldn’t they have sacrificed a prole of some description?

    Comment by Psycho Milt — April 18, 2013 @ 10:11 am

  5. wouldn’t they have sacrificed a prole of some description

    Yes: http://tvnz.co.nz/national-news/poverty-group-slams-benefit-cuts-5406591

    Comment by glasshead — April 18, 2013 @ 10:54 am

  6. How can we be sure that the Thatcher actually remains dead, without witnessing the The Archbishop of Canterbury decapitating the wizened corpse live on BBC News?

    Comment by Gregor W — April 18, 2013 @ 11:11 am

  7. Gregor: That’s why I heard the gun salute was pointed down into the grave, not into the air, as is usual.

    Comment by David in Christchurch — April 18, 2013 @ 12:19 pm

  8. the massive basalt statue of Baroness Thatcher that accompanies her everywhere.

    You sure you’re not confusing basalt with botox?

    Comment by Joe W — April 18, 2013 @ 12:20 pm

  9. Apparently one of the reasons why most of the National caucus was absent from the marriage equality third reading last night, was that a number of them were watching television, gazing on the funeral of Margaret Thatcher.

    The other reason was that most of them did not care, and had no desire to look upon the masses assembled to celebrate.

    Comment by George D — April 18, 2013 @ 1:44 pm

  10. You can see her burial site here:

    https://maps.google.com/maps?ll=51.13402,-1.70159

    Comment by rich — April 18, 2013 @ 1:51 pm

  11. @ George D – that would be the ‘masses’ of c. 100 people in the Lobby of the Beehive? So much for the ‘500’ reported by MSM crowding to get into Parliament…

    But it is disturbing that MPs would scurry off to watch TV (Thatcher’s funeral or not) during a vote on such pivotal social engineering law. The least they could have done is listen to the speeches, and vote in person. Though the calibre of speeches was dire, esp. Mackey, Dyson, Wall & Hague.

    Maybe NZ could borrow the basalt statue of Thatcher and put it in a National Park surrounded by McD’s outlets? We might make a bit more in tourism than from the ‘flood of gay tourists coming here to marry’ from Oz, given MSM discover today that such gay marriage certificates have all the legitimacy of a Disney Mickey Mouse Club membership certificate once back home in Oz. Just saying.

    Comment by bob — April 18, 2013 @ 5:19 pm

  12. Just saying what exactly?

    Comment by awbraae — April 18, 2013 @ 7:11 pm

  13. Screw you bob, if that’s your real name.

    I watched about two hours of speeches last night (from Robertson to Auchinvole), and thought that for the most part they were great.

    Listening to idiots like Peters and Borrows flounder on was a high point – revealing they had no substantive reasons to oppose the legislation aside from “I don’t like it”.

    Comment by Paul Rowe — April 18, 2013 @ 7:40 pm

  14. Awww … what’s the matter, bobby? Still smarting from the fact that we won, you lost?

    The future is hear. Deal with it.

    Comment by Flashing Light — April 18, 2013 @ 9:07 pm

  15. Not sure where the facts end and the satire begins…

    Comment by mike — April 19, 2013 @ 12:46 am

  16. @ Paul Rowe – nah, your licentious ‘screw you’ solution to everything isn’t really to my taste. And your evaluation of quality of Parliamentary speech appears to depend on whether you agree or disagree with the speaker. Chester was …. odd… but Winston basically just said he wanted a referendum; must be terrible having to worry about the masses getting a vote on your social engineering, eh Paul?

    @ Flashing Light – you seem to have forgotten ‘eat that!’ I also doubt we will ‘hear’ the future creeping up on us. We certainly don’t seem to have appreciated the damage done to the family unit over the last 40 years, and the correlation to a steady slide down in social outcomes for kids.

    Still, even Botany MP Jami-Lee Ross, who was raised by his grandma IIRC, admitted kids need both maternal and paternal nurturing in their upbringing. Just that he then ignored the studies and claimed such mixed gender nurturing could be outsourced to adults in the child’s life other than the biological parents, and voted for kids to be adopted by gay couples who can’t provide such mixed gender nurturing. Logic not a strong point.

    P.S. When are ya putting up the Member’s Bill to legalise polygamous, incestous and paedophile marriage, so ALL discrimination can be eliminated, like Louisa Wall repeatedly said in her speeches?

    Comment by bob — April 19, 2013 @ 2:02 am

  17. Logic not a strong point.

    Just as evidence ain’t a strong point with you. I simply assert the opposite to what you’ve said. Now we can’t possibly know the truth.

    When are ya putting up the Member’s Bill to legalise polygamous, incestous and paedophile marriage, so ALL discrimination can be eliminated, like Louisa Wall repeatedly said in her speeches?

    Probably when I’m elected to Parliament. That’s how Member’s Bills work. And when I do, that issue will be considered, debated and voted on in relation to its own merits, not your arguments (which no doubt would be “we can’t have polygamy! Next thing, we’ll have forced marriage to cats!”).

    Oh … and we won, you lost.

    Comment by Flashing Light — April 19, 2013 @ 7:53 am


RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

The Rubric Theme. Blog at WordPress.com.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 399 other followers

%d bloggers like this: