The Dim-Post

June 17, 2008

South Auckland Crime Wave

Filed under: Uncategorized — danylmc @ 10:03 pm

Three high-profile murders in as many days has the government promising decisive action. What are some of the proposed solutions to stop this violent crime wave?

  • Limit numbers on all polytechnic courses teaching home invasion and armed robbery techniques.
  • Increase existing levels of sedatives and oral contraceptives in Manukau water supply.
  • Create an economic disincentive to homicide by amending the Emissions Trading Scheme to double carbon fees on vehicles used during a murder
  • Introduce cultural sensitivity training to South Aucklands migrant communities teaching them to be more open and tolerant towards the kiwi tradition of random assault and pointless execution style killings.
  • Tap into wealthy hunter tourist market and reduce crime statistics by declaring ‘Westfield Free Fire zone.’
  • Point to multiple Asian murders as irrefutable statistical evidence for sending ’em all back.
  • Wait for real rain to come and wash all this scum off the streets. Establish Commission of Inquiry to determine date and duration of anticipated scum-washing rain.


  1. […] Dim-Post has some solutions for the South Auckland crime […]

    Pingback by Kiwiblog » Blog Archive » Blog Bits — June 18, 2008 @ 3:11 pm

  2. Given that both National and Labour are making political issues out of this, surely murders would need to be covered under the EFA??

    Comment by lasttangoinlevin — June 18, 2008 @ 4:22 pm

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