Three high-profile murders in as many days has the government promising decisive action. What are some of the proposed solutions to stop this violent crime wave?
- Limit numbers on all polytechnic courses teaching home invasion and armed robbery techniques.
- Increase existing levels of sedatives and oral contraceptives in Manukau water supply.
- Create an economic disincentive to homicide by amending the Emissions Trading Scheme to double carbon fees on vehicles used during a murder
- Introduce cultural sensitivity training to South Aucklands migrant communities teaching them to be more open and tolerant towards the kiwi tradition of random assault and pointless execution style killings.
- Tap into wealthy hunter tourist market and reduce crime statistics by declaring ‘Westfield Free Fire zone.’
- Point to multiple Asian murders as irrefutable statistical evidence for sending ’em all back.
- Wait for real rain to come and wash all this scum off the streets. Establish Commission of Inquiry to determine date and duration of anticipated scum-washing rain.