The Rice Visit
US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice spent this weekend in Auckland meeting Winston Peters, Helen Clark and John Key. What were the motivations for her visit?
- Investigate and personally report back to the President about persistent rumours that toilets drain the other way this far south.
- Important for the Secretary of State to maintain relationships with key US allies like New Zealand and Samoa while Deputy Secretary John Negroponte serves largely ceremonial role, currently negotiating border issues between Afghanistan and Pakistan.
- Heard there was a nice handbag shop on Vulcan Lane; doesn’t really have anything else to do, so . . .
- Intelligence briefing at beginning of week suggested Vice President Dick Cheney was in a bad mood; other side of the world just seemed like a smart place to be.
- Will inquire into allegations made by Investigate Magazine that the Clark government is stockpiling uranium.
- Demand explanation from John Key regarding Pentagon intelligence report that he is planning an alliance with Isengard.
- Smile pleasantly at incompetent, disgraced foreign minister; when confident that make-up is fixed close compact and go meet Winston Peters.