The Dim-Post

November 21, 2011

Notes towards a leaders debate drinking game

Filed under: psuedopolitics — danylmc @ 11:33 am

Breathe oxygen every time:

Key says ‘stable government’

Goff says ‘own our own future’.

Drink from an empty glass:

If the political commentators bemoan the lack of substance and then cut to Claire Robinson to tell us which leader has the dreamiest eyes

Impregnate the person sitting next to you and then congratulate them on their cushy new lifestyle:

If Key mentions the urgent need for welfare reform

Drink a beer:

If Garner challenges Goff to tell us his ATM PIN number, and Goff panics and proudly blurts it out.

Continue to send blood to your brain:

Every time the Prime Minister says, ‘Actually’.

Reach out and touch a physical object:

Every time Key responds to an established fact with the phrase ‘I reject that!’

Masturbate furiously:

Every time Duncan Garner asks a question requiring a complex response and demands ‘answer me yes or no!’

33 Comments »

  1. I’d rather avoid hyperventilation thanks all the same…

    Comment by garethw — November 21, 2011 @ 11:41 am

  2. As he is apparently a scientist, I’d be quite interested to hear how Danyl rates the various science & research policies of the parties:

    http://www.radionz.co.nz/news/election-2011/policies/6

    Comment by uke — November 21, 2011 @ 11:51 am

  3. “National
    Declined to answer this question.”

    This must be a joke.

    Comment by The PC Avenger — November 21, 2011 @ 12:33 pm

  4. Drink every time the PM says “actually”.

    Comment by Ross — November 21, 2011 @ 1:33 pm

  5. I believe you’re thinking of the word “ackshly”.

    Comment by taranaki — November 21, 2011 @ 1:41 pm

  6. Also, when either of them prefixes a sentence with ‘Look’

    Comment by Bed Rater — November 21, 2011 @ 1:55 pm

  7. Or ‘so’.
    ‘So, the reality here is…’
    In fact, I’m going to donate my salary to charity every time Mr ‘I repute that’ says anything at all that isn’t a cliche.

    Comment by robertguyton — November 21, 2011 @ 2:04 pm

  8. Impregnate the person sitting next to you

    What if you’re watching the debate with flatmates that are the same gender as you?

    Is this what John Key means by ‘ambitious’?

    Comment by Phil — November 21, 2011 @ 2:29 pm

  9. What if you’re watching the debate with flatmates that are the same gender as you?

    Wrap your legs about your flatmate’s head, insert your proboscis down their throat and implant an embryo that can incubate in their chest cavity?

    Comment by Richard — November 21, 2011 @ 2:45 pm

  10. @Uke. No joke. The declined to answer all of RNZ’s questions. Key also refused to be interviewed by the HoS yesterday AND refused to answer a question from an ‘average family’

    Comment by max — November 21, 2011 @ 3:05 pm

  11. bring it on! BRING IT ALL ON!

    Comment by dfmamea — November 21, 2011 @ 3:07 pm

  12. lololololol

    Comment by nw — November 21, 2011 @ 3:10 pm

  13. “bring it on! BRING IT ALL ON!”

    EXTERMINATE THE BRUTES!

    The Horror….the Horror….

    Comment by rich (the other one) — November 21, 2011 @ 3:13 pm

  14. “Key also refused to be interviewed by the HoS yesterday AND refused to answer a question from an ‘average family’”

    Why would you?:
    several cafe-goers did not seem to know why they were planning on voting for Mr Key and his blue brigade.
    There was a general consensus that he was a “nice guy” and “pretty cool”.

    http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/campaign-trail/6002202/Cool-Key-tries-a-Pimms-in-the-sun

    Comment by garethw — November 21, 2011 @ 3:20 pm

  15. @ PC Avenger, Max.

    I know it’s “thread-jacking” to have made that request of Danyl (though where else would I make it?). As I see it, this is an area he could definitely offer some expert commentary on; in addition to the satire. Of course, it could be too risky for him (job-wise) to offer any opinions.

    Comment by uke — November 21, 2011 @ 3:25 pm

  16. @Richard: You, sir, win a frozen chook plus free entry in the next raffle for that one.

    Comment by Ataahua — November 21, 2011 @ 4:01 pm

  17. several cafe-goers did not seem to know why they were planning on voting for…

    I suspect many voters have little idea exactly why they vote for a particular party or are inclined to favour a party or lean leftish/rightish.

    Comment by Pete George — November 21, 2011 @ 4:36 pm

  18. Based on the link only three parties appear to have thought about science policy. The answers from the greens are of course disingenuous.

    Actual green party policy is to ignore advice from scientists who know what they are talking about and instead to take advice from creationists, AIDS-denialists, yogic flyers and medical quacks. It will ignore science findings that it disgrees with and will fund scientists to do research which reaches desired conclusions and will keep funding them and funding them and funding them, dammit, until by statistical fluke the research gives the desired answer. In the event that scientists somehow manage to get funding to do research on topics that it disapproves of it will send people into their labs in the middle of the night and put a stop to it.

    Comment by chiz — November 21, 2011 @ 5:18 pm

  19. That is what you would be hoping for, eh Pete. Like what the hell does United Future stand for anyway. Not as many young people in cafes going: “that Pete Dunne is like sooooo hawt”….

    Comment by Tim — November 21, 2011 @ 5:24 pm

  20. Tim – United Future stands for a number of things, but mostly I guess stands for sensible amongst the hubris.

    UF are the only party to stand for the rights of those who use the great Kiwi outdoors, like hunters, fishers and trampers.

    And as far as I’m concerend UF stand for allowing me to establish better regional representation which regardless of Saturday has been very successful and will continue to grow after the election.

    Comment by Pete George — November 21, 2011 @ 6:32 pm

  21. It will ignore science findings that it disgrees with

    Ackshully John Key is on record as saying that scientists are “like lawyers”, and he can always provide you with a counter view to a finding.

    No wonder the Nats don’t have a Science policy. They can’t afford to buy all those opinions.

    Comment by Neil — November 21, 2011 @ 6:33 pm

  22. Frankly, as a scientist, it doesn’t matter what the parties say and which party gets into power. The years Labour was in, effective available funding went down. Before that, when National was in, effective available fund went down.

    So it actually doesn’t matter what the fuck any of them says. Won’t happen because no one there understands that funding unfettered science is what grows an economy in the long run.

    Comment by David in Chch — November 21, 2011 @ 7:37 pm

  23. I am having great fun toggling my reactors (iPhone and iPad) up and down! So far, the evidence is socialists own more Apple products…

    Comment by Sanctuary — November 21, 2011 @ 7:37 pm

  24. “So far, the evidence is socialists own more Apple products…”

    Yeah, they should run a separate worm for commentators (journalists, commentariat & bloggers, political scientists and Claire Robinson), see if their assessments in any way reflect the voting public.

    Comment by MeToo — November 21, 2011 @ 7:51 pm

  25. Looks like the worm is of the astroturf species…

    Comment by Adze — November 21, 2011 @ 7:54 pm

  26. Paul Henry! Former National Party candidate and mate of John Key! Neutral commentator! Feck.

    Comment by MeToo — November 21, 2011 @ 8:10 pm

  27. As soon as I saw the poisonous Paul Henry I switched channels.

    Comment by Sanctuary — November 21, 2011 @ 8:35 pm

  28. Paul Henry is so popular right now. A good choice for TV3.

    Comment by OECD rank 22 kiwi — November 21, 2011 @ 10:05 pm

  29. As a scientist, I find the Greens policy pretty good. It’s the only one that consistently acknowledges how bloody difficult and political it is currently to get funding for any projects.

    It will ignore science findings that it disgrees with and will fund scientists to do research which reaches desired conclusions and will keep funding them and funding them and funding them, dammit, until by statistical fluke the research gives the desired answer.
    Yeaaaah, like National shutting down the once a decade major literacy report? And the annual Social Report? I know a small group of very respected researches who was involved in literacy projects and they kept being made to rewrite the answers because Wellington didn’t like them. And then they were suddenly ‘let go’ in the middle of everything. And the report vanished into the nether.

    Comment by Flynn the Cat — November 21, 2011 @ 10:17 pm

  30. As a scientist, I find the Greens policy pretty good.

    Really? This is a party that takes advice from creationists and yogic flyers and promotes medical quackery. Its also a party that completely disregards scientific opinion on genetic engineering and claims that it has to be stopped. Its also a party whose members have no idea what genetic engineering is even though they’re opposed to it. Its also silent, like Greenpeace is, on the evironmental damage caused by organic farming.

    Comment by chiz — November 23, 2011 @ 5:01 pm

  31. Are you a scientist, Chiz?

    We have had two scientists do a policy comparison so far in this thread (Flynn the Cat & David in Chch), both very interesting. Nothing yet from the man of the house, but if you were a scientist it would bring it up to three!

    Comment by uke — November 23, 2011 @ 8:10 pm

  32. *Puts hands up
    “I’m a scientist. Now not working in my field. It’s never looked crapper out there for ecologist type scientists. A little better if you are involved with milk or ryegrass development… I can only go from my experience, but ecological (and fisheries) research was a lot healthier five years ago.

    Comment by Serra — November 24, 2011 @ 1:32 pm

  33. unemployed scientist.

    Comment by chiz — November 24, 2011 @ 5:01 pm


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