The Dim-Post

April 12, 2013

Labour leader calls on Auditor General to help him find his wallet

Filed under: Politics,satire — danylmc @ 9:09 am

Labour leader David Shearer is asking the Office of the Auditor General to conduct an inquiry into the location of his wallet, which he placed on the table by the front door just next to his keys and phone when he arrived home last night but which wasn’t there when he needed to go to work this morning. 

‘My whole day is ruined if I don’t have my wallet. It has my swipe cards to get into work and my EFT-POS card to buy lunch. That’s why I always put it in the same damn place, and it’s why I’m calling on the Auditor General to investigate why it isn’t there today and who moved it,’ Shearer said in his formal letter to Auditor-General Lyn Provost.

The letter was also released to media, select members of Shearer’s family who have shifted the wallet in the past when they made iTunes purchases using his credit-card, and Karen from down the road who cleans the Shearer family house and does a good job but doesn’t always put things back where they’re supposed to be.

The Auditor-General’s involvement comes after Shearer failed in his effort to get Parliament’s Select Committee to help him find the wallet, which can’t have just vanished into thin air, can it now? And it must be somewhere inside his house because he remembers taking it out of his jacket pocket when he got home. The request was turned down by the National dominated committee. with Chairperson Todd McClay explaining that the committee had more important business to attend to.

‘We are dedicated to returning New Zealand back into surplus, boosting productivity and searching for Steven Joyce’s little electronic security dongle so he can check his email from home,’ McClay said. ‘He thinks he might have dropped it somewhere between the underground car park and his office. How the hell are we supposed to find it? The thing is tiny.’

The Auditor General has yet to respond to Shearer’s request because she changed her network password on Friday and now she can’t log in.


  1. I suspect it’s the guy across the road painting his roof while on a benefit.

    Comment by Ron — April 12, 2013 @ 9:43 am

  2. Clearly the A-G hasn’t yet released her opinion to Government ministers on how to do a proper look, rather than a ‘man-look’. Tip one: “Whatever you’re lookig for is invariably right in front of your nose.”

    Comment by Ataahua — April 12, 2013 @ 9:46 am

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