The Dim-Post

August 29, 2016

Even worse

Filed under: Uncategorized — danylmc @ 8:18 am

I spent the weekend in Christchurch at the (excellent) Word festival, and someone reminded me of poetry – although technically song lyrics – even worse than McGongall’s:

I don’t want to see a ghost
It’s a sight that I fear most
I’d rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news

– Life, Des’Ree

17 Comments »

  1. I think it is widely accepted in literary and musical circles that the rhyming of “ghost” with “toast” is the all time winner.

    Comment by Matthew Hooton — August 29, 2016 @ 8:33 am

  2. Another entry:
    ‘Hester / we used to be the best-a / friends / but now we’re becoming strangers’ (The Muttonbirds, ‘Hester’)

    Comment by Michael — August 29, 2016 @ 8:59 am

  3. LIFE OH LIFE OH LIIIIIIIIFE

    Comment by Antoine — August 29, 2016 @ 9:06 am

  4. I post this in full anticipation of incurring the wrath of FL

    The late, lamented Ian Dury:

    Had a love affair with Nina
    In the back of my Cortina
    A seasoned up hyena could not have been more obscener

    Comment by McNulty — August 29, 2016 @ 9:20 am

  5. I know you are my baby (baby)
    My one and only baby (baby)
    You said it twice, I’ll say it thrice
    My baby baby baby

    -The Best Things in Life are Free, Janet Jackson and Luther Vandross

    Comment by Josh — August 29, 2016 @ 9:33 am

  6. Whoever wrote the American “Marine’s Hymn” was obviously running out of rhymes for “Marines” towards the end. That has to be up there.

    Comment by Gareth Wilson — August 29, 2016 @ 9:41 am

  7. Oh come on, now we are really being silly!
    Pop tunes are generally not considered “art” except of course by Russell Brown and every teenager on earth.

    Comment by Ray — August 29, 2016 @ 9:43 am

  8. Black Sabbath rhymed “masses” with “masses”.

    Comment by Ortvin Sarapuu — August 29, 2016 @ 9:48 am

  9. Black Sabbath rhymed “masses” with “masses”.

    While the Ramones worked hard at sounding dumb (Sittin’ here in Queens / Eatin’ refried beans), the Sabs were the real deal.

    Comment by Joe W — August 29, 2016 @ 10:26 am

  10. @McNulty,

    Your popular culture reference has been considered and deemed acceptable. Carry on as you were.

    On the general badness of pop lyrics, it started early and never really went up:

    Love, love me do.
    You know I love you.
    I’ll always be true.
    So pleeeeeeeease … love me do.

    Comment by Flashing Light — August 29, 2016 @ 10:41 am

  11. Most clichéd lyrics … “We can make it if we tried” (never fails to irritate me)

    Mentioning song lyrics and McGongall in the same breath reminds me that some less-than-generous critics have likened Gordon Lightfoot’s epic song-cycle “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” to the great Scotsman’s dodgy poetry. Lightfoot’s lyrics are seen as a little forced, in rhyme and metre, possibly the worst since McGonagall according to some.

    Personally, I’ve always been rather fond of the song (but then I’m quite fond of The Young Ones, too, … so, you know, take my opinions with a grain of salt – assuming you’re not already)

    Comment by swordfish — August 29, 2016 @ 12:24 pm

  12. Most clichéd lyrics … “We can make it if we tried”

    Anything that rhymes “eyes” and “lies”, which is every song about lies.

    Comment by Frances L — August 29, 2016 @ 11:12 pm

  13. No, a song about lying eyes can’t then use that trick.

    Comment by Clunking Fist — August 30, 2016 @ 12:44 pm

  14. To be fair to Des’Ree, I’m pretty sure this would be the caliber of lyrical firepower you’d get if Britney, Beyonce etc were allowed /made to write their own lyrics.

    My personal lyrical bugbear: rhyming fire-desire-higher

    Comment by Exclamation Mark — August 30, 2016 @ 1:52 pm

  15. The guy who said “I wear black on the outside cos black is how I feel on the inside” also wrote Now My Heart Is Full. Go figure.

    There’s gonna be some trouble
    a whole house will need re-building
    and everyone I love in the house
    will recline
    on an analyst’s couch quite soon
    your Father cracks a joke
    and in the usual way
    empties the room
    tell all of my friends
    (I don’t have too many
    just some rain-coated lovers’ puny brothers)
    Dallow, Spicer, Pinkie, Cubitt
    rush to danger
    wind up nowhere
    Patrick Doonan – raised to wait
    I’m tired again, I tried again, and
    now my heart is full
    now my heart is full
    and I just can’t explain
    So I won’t even try to
    Dallow, Spicer, Pinkie, Cubitt
    every jammy Stressford poet
    loafing oafs in all-night chemists
    loafing oafs in all-night chemists
    underact – express depression
    ah, but Bunnie I loved you
    I was tired again
    I tried again, and
    now my heart is full
    now my heart is full
    and I just can’t explain
    So I won’t even try to

    Comment by Ross — August 31, 2016 @ 7:11 am

  16. “14.To be fair to Des’Ree, I’m pretty sure this would be the caliber of lyrical firepower you’d get if Britney, Beyonce etc were allowed /made to write their own lyrics.”

    Not many pop (or rock) lyrics hold up well to examination.

    I like to think that this song portrays Jack Whites dismay at what Michael Mann has done to statistics and climate science. But it seems he just didn’t like his maths teacher.
    http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/whitestripes/blackmath.html

    Comment by Clunking Fist — August 31, 2016 @ 12:17 pm

  17. Influenced the likes of Morrissey and Jarvis Cocker..

    Comment by leeharmanclark — September 1, 2016 @ 7:49 am


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